They Ain’t Makin’ Jews Like Jesus Anymore

Well, a redneck nerd in a bowling shirt
Was a-guzzlin' Lone Star beer
Talking religion and-uh politics for all the world to hear
"They oughta send you back to Russia, boy
Or New York City, One
You just want to doodle a Christian girl
And you killed God's only son."

I said, "Has it occurred to you, you nerd
That that's not very nice
We Jews believe it was Santa Claus that killed Jesus Christ"
"You know, you don't look Jewish," he said
"Near as I could figger
I had you stamped for a slightly anemic
Well-dressed country Nigga."

No, they ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore
They don't turn the other cheek the way they done before
He started in to shoutin' and a-spittin' on the floor
"Lord, they ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore."

He says, "I ain't a racist but
Aristotle Onassis is one Greek we don't need
And them niggers, Jews and Sigma Nus
All they ever do is breed

And wops 'n micks 'n slopes 'n spics 'n spooks
Are on my list
And there's one little heeb from the heart of Texas
Is there anyone I missed?"

Well, I hits him with everything I had
Right square between the eyes
I says, "I'm gonna gitcha, you son of a bitch ya
For spoutin' that pack of lies
If there's one thing I can't abide
It's an ethnocentric racist;
Now you take back that thing you said
'Bbout Aristotle Onassis."

No, they ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore
We don't turn the other cheek the way we done before
You could hear that honky holler as he hit that hardwood floor
"Lord, they sho' ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore"
All right!

No, they ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore
We don't turn the other cheek the way they done before
You hear that honky holler as he hit that hardwood floor
Lord, they ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore

Everybody!
They ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore
They ain't makin' carpenters who know what nails are for
Well, the whole damn place was singin'
As I strolled right out the door
"Lord, they ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore!"

No, we ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore
We don't turn the other cheek the way they done before
Well, the whole damn place was singin'
As I strolled right out the door
"Lord, they ain't makin' Jews like Jesus anymore!"