The Real Me

[Dave]
Yeah, I gotta talk from the heart right now.
[Rob Scallon]
Talk about my true love.
[Andrew Huang]
I wanna do that also.
[Roomie]
Yeah Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

[Dave]
I hate my fans, but I love money.
I think my fans are awful humans and they choose to fund me.
When I get a message saying I impacted someone’s life,
It’s just like “Oh my God! I hate you!”, and then I attach a virus.

I use my fans to pay rent.
I use my fans to pay rent.
I take donations but let me be clear, I hate ‘em 100%

If you're listening, then I definitely hate you
But then also know you are the reason I am making paper.

Sing it!

[All]
This is the real me!
You should take it seriously.

[Dave]
Hate my fans, love money

[All]
Whoa ooooooh, oh oh

[Rob Scallon]
I love bagels
Breakfast in a lunch, I love bagels
You can come to my house and eat bagels for fun,
I live at 1060 West Addison

60613 Chicago Illinois, USA
You can meet me there, but on weekdays I'm never there from 4 till 8

[All]
This is the real me!
You should take it seriously.

[Rob Scallon]
Donuts are just dessert bagels to me!

[All]
Whoa ooooooh, oh oh

[Andrew Huang]
I like rocks!
Sandstone!
Limestone!
Quartz!
This kind!
Wait, Is Quartz a rock or a gem?
Wait, Are gems rocks?
I like both!

[All]
This is the real me!
You should take it seriously.

[Andrew Huang]
You know what rocks? Geology!

[All]
Whoa oh...

[Roomie]
I like to steal!
I steal everything that's not nailed down
Then I steal the nails 'cause you know that I don't joke around, I don't joke around.

Because I take things literally
You think your things are your things,
Well I think differently.

I steal your dairy products, now it's not-yo-cheese
I'm dangerous except during safe robberies
If you say take a seat, I steal your chair.
I go to Rob's house and rob his house when he's not there.

I steal your kitchen utensils, it's a whisk worth taking
I'm so strong I don't lift weights, I do shop-lifting
I open a restaurant, spicy chicken wings
Order takeaway from me, and I take away your things.

[All]
This is the real me!
You should take it seriously.

[Roomie]
I get everything for free!

[All]
Whoa ooooooh, oh oh

This is the real us.
Everthing we say, you can trust.
Doing it all for our subs
(Dave: Except for me!)

Whoa ooooooh, oh oh