The Problem

[Verse 1]
If a man A who weighs eleven stone
Leaves from his home at 8:30 in the morning
In a car consumption is 16.25 miles per gallon
At an average speed of forty miles an hour
To his office which is twelve miles away
And he stops for a coffee on the way for fifteen minutes
And also puts air in one of his tyres
Which has a slow puncture
Letting out air at a rate of two pounds per square inch
Per mile travelled
When the car is moving at thirty-two miles an hour
And he picks up a hitchhiker B
Who weighs fourteen stone plus suitcase
But hitchhiker B who is a political activist
Distributes leaflets from his suitcase
Each of which weigh an ounce
At the scale of two leaflets per person
At every bus stop
And every vehicle on either side of them
At every red traffic light during the journey
Which includes twenty bus stops
With an average six people per stop
Five lorries each with a passenger
One of which exchanged a Yorkie Bar
Weighing an ounce for twelve of the leaflets
And two coaches each containing fifty-one people
Seven of which from one coach returned the leaflets
And sixteen people from the other coach
Who asked for a further leaflet
Each for a member of one of their families
Assuming that man A
Then had to travel a further 2.86 miles
Out of his way to drop off hitchhiker B
How late would man be

[Bridge]
In arriving at the office by 9:30
If he still had six miles to travel
And his watch was running twenty-three minutes slow
But the clock at the office was running
Two minutes faster than his
Was in fact seventeen minutes and three seconds ahead
Of the correct time
Which was 2:30 in the morning in Caracas
If when five miles from the office
He telephoned to his boss

[Verse 2]
To apologize for being late
But was told by his boss C
To pick up a package 2.63 miles away
From his present location
And deliver it to client D in Bristol by train
By 4:30 that afternoon
And at the same time man D
Was mistakenly told to come to London
To receive same package from man B
Now man A's train, train one
Left thirty minutes late
But man D's train, train two
Left five minutes early
So when the trains passed each other
Train one was travelling at seventy-five miles an hour
To make up for lost time
And train two was travelling at fifty-two miles an hour
Would man A reach Bristol earlier or later
According to his watch
Which was now running five minutes slower
Than man D's would have been
Had he not got off the train
And checked the correct time
At a station between Bristol and London
And stopped to phone A's boss, man C
To double check A would be there, meet him
And discover his mistake
Catch next train, train three, back to Bristol
Which unlike A's train one
Which stopped at four stations on the way
For six minutes each stop
Was an express train

[Outro]
D's train caught up with A's train one
Four miles from Bristol
As the trains drew alongside each other
A's train one was travelling at twelve miles an hour
And D's train three was travelling at 13.6 miles an hour
And man A sat in the front
How long would it take to fill the bath?