The Prequel

[Verse]
Yeah, what am I but a cry for help?
I don't care you like me, I don't really like myself
At times I've felt my mind could melt
Cause I get too hot-headed & I'm tempted to tie the belt
Might as well, the meds ain't workin
I can feel my fucking head veins bursting
I turn to the drink to suppress pain's burden
Certain that imma spend the next day hurtin
The best brain surgeon, couldn't fix the damage I've done
What have my bad habits become?
You wanna talk about stress? Yeah I manage a tonne
I'm wishing I knew a magician cause I just wanna vanish at once
Rapidly run from the thoughts in my head
Another night where I'm pouring a Teds as I watch a Ted Talk & it's four in the morning
Ignoring the yawning, I'll snore when I'm dead
& I'm bored of it, bored of regret
I'm torn by the torment, I'm sure that it's spread
I can sense that my friends have been caught in the dread
I should tell my girl how I feel more but instead I just hide it
So she gathers that I'm fine
But she'll know when my brain matter splatters on the blinds
That my mind's scattered, you can see it scattered in my rhymes
People will look back & say my rapping was a sign that I didn't know what to do
Got a lot to prove but can't move when I'm lost in booze
Even though he got lots of views, he never made it to the level that he wanted to
It's like I want to lose
I treat friends like imposters too & treat my missus like a prostitute
I'm a monster dude, obnoxious, rude, I boxed with doom
I think I'm due for a date with the doctor soon, yeah
It's like my world has shifted, my health is shit
It's self inflicted, if Sheldon's sick then Shell can fix it
Should of went & got help when I felt addicted, what a coward
I'm a slave to a substance & I've been making assumptions
Thinking my mates have been judging me lately
Maybe they ain't been, maybe I'm making it something it's not
But it's fucked up isn't it?
I'm much much quicker just to trust dumb idiots that I can get fucked up & just chug liquor with than my own missus
I'm a drugged fucked hypocrite
This is it, just a man in a rut, clutching my hand to a cup
& I feel like my plan to erupt's been abandoned & cut
& I'm just too stranded to bandage it up
(Tough luck) gotta think who's to blame
Who's the one who chooses to bruise his brain?
Who's the one who chooses to lose his aim?
Who's the one who uses the booze for pain?
It's all me
Yeah, I'm in charge of my own fate
I've thrown hate as I'm starving with no plate
Was so close to path I should go take
Then I slipped off as it started to rotate
My bones shake from my anxious thoughts
I can't walk from my anger, the anguish stalks
My anxiety's a gangster with fangs & claws
I just wanna kill it & shank its corpse, but I'm tanked of course
Not sure if I'm meant to resume, so again I just vent with a sensitive tune
As I think about ending it soon & I picture my family & friends as they enter the room