The People’s Douche

[Intro]
What's up?

[Verse 1]
I'm sorry to interrupt your evening at the eatery
But I'm about to freak what you believe unbelievably
You will see, every time Sparker, comma, Peter speaks
It's bacon for the Jews and gay marriage for the Jesus freaks
VHS tapes flying out the red box
All the Yankee's fans cheering for the Red Sox
And the neo nazis all growing dread locks
Listenin' to Erykah Badu until their head nods
I got Facebook accounts for the Amish
Throw a little steak in while I'm makin' Vegans omelettes
Democrats out hunting in the forestry
Republicans giving tax cuts to minorities
All the beer snobs chillin', sippin' Natty Ice
While I take a bachelor and match him with a battered wife
Got the Hipsters clothes shopping at Walmart
Hanging with the B-Team, acting like they're all stars
Unplugging tanning booths in Little Italy
Hanging with some country music fans bumping Lil B
Making A&R's spit bars and vans
While I'm reading poetry to some Nascar fans

[Hook]
Look, it's Peter Sparker in this bitch, I'm the people's douche
And I will never quit until the day I see the poor become the rich
Or the rich become the poor, so they're holding open doors
For the single moms who buy their food up at the dollar store

[Verse 2]
I got some alpha males thinking they're lame
Donald Trump just asked me for spare change
The Westboro Baptist Church is having gay sex
While I got the sneaker heads shopping up in Payless
Then I got the teenagers all leaving social media
And reading what a library is on Wikipedia
I could make a morning person sleep into the evening
Shit, I got Lebron James moving back to Cleveland
I could get the housewives to all stop gossiping
And get the Taliban starting all girls colleges (colleges)
Illiterate people, they all want to read about it
Let's do something sweet and not tweet about it
Dead beat dads asking where the diapers are
Drag queens all dancing in the biker bar
Jocks giving geeks props as the pass in the hall
I got Kobe Bryant passing the ball, come on

[Hook]
Look, it's Peter Sparker in this bitch, I'm the people's douche
And I will never quit until the day I see the poor become the rich
Or the rich become the poor, so they're holding open doors
For the single moms who buy their food up at the dollar store
Man the day is gonna come, when the bosses will be generous
And all the employees will get some benefits, for once
And until the day it does, you know I'm your fucking bud
It's the people's douche, now let me see those dirty hands up!

[Bridge]
Put your hands up
If you only got a dollar in your pocket and that shit ain't enough
Put your hands up
Put your hands up
If you're not here to put 'em up ‘cause you had to work and couldn't come

[Hook]
Look, it's Peter Sparker in this bitch, I'm the people's douche
And I will never quit until the day I see the poor become the rich
Or the rich become the poor, so they're holding open doors
For the single moms who buy their food up at the dollar store
Man the day is gonna come, when the bosses will be generous
And all the employees will get some benefits, for once
And until the day it does, you know I'm your fucking bud
It's the people's douche, now let me see those dirty hands up!