The Naval Medley

(Men)
Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?
And isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?
It's swell to have a stiffy
It's divine to own a dick
From the tiniest little tadger
To the world's biggest prick
So, three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend
Your Percy, or your cock
You can wrap it up in ribbons
You can slip it in your sock
But don't take it out in public
Or they will stick you in the dock
And you won't come back

(Women)
It's fun to own your own vagina
It's great to have your friendly thatch
Your minge, your twat, your kitty cat
Your nest, your nasty or your snatch
It's great to have a monkey furrow
Your finger pie, your lunchbox or your catch
Your cameltoe, your bearded clam
Your bottom at the front
Your monkey minge
Your muffin
Or your old Sir Berkely Hunt
Your honeypot, your hairy friend
But never call it "cunt"
Or we won't come back

(Men)
Isn't it awfully nice to own a bottom
Isn't it frightfully good to have an arse
It's swell to own a tushy
It's divine to have a scut
From the skinniest little buttocks
To the worlds largest butt
Three cheers for your posterior or anus
Hooray for your lovely sit-upon
[wolf-whistle]
Your fundament, your fanny, your cheeky little dear
Your rump, your hauch, your hams
Your stern, your fanny or your rear
But be careful how you handle it or you'll be caught, I fear
And you won't come back

[Naval Captain (Cleese)]
Company, by the right...dress!
Squad... camp it... HUP!

[All]
My goodness me
I am in a bad temper today, all right
Two, three, damn, damn
Two, three, I'm vexed and ratty
Two, three, and hopping mad, stamp, stamp
Oooh, get her, whoops
I've got your number, ducky
Well, you couldn't afford me, dear, two, three
I'll scratch your eyes out, two, three
Meow! Two, three
Don't come the rear admiral with us, dear
We all know where you've been, you royal naval fairy, two, three
Left, right, left, right
Mother's kissing us tonight
Whoops, don't look now, girls
The captain's just minced in with a dolly little seaman, two, three
Oooooh, two, three
Hello, sailor!