Penis Song (Not The Noel Coward Song)

[Intro (spoken)]
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen
Here's a little number I tossed off recently in the Caribbean

[Verse 1]
Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?
It's swell to have a stiffy
It's divine to own a dick
From the tiniest little tadger
To the world's biggest prick

[Verse 2]
So three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend
Your Percy or your cock
You can wrap it up in ribbons
You can slip it in your sock
But don't take it out in public
Or they will stick you in the dock
And you won't come back

[Outro (spoken)]
Thank you very much