The Miser (Act 5 Scene 3)

SCENE III.——HARPAGON, THE POLICE OFFICER, VALÈRE, MASTER JACQUES.

HAR.
Come, come near, and confess the most abominable action, the most horrible crime, that was ever committed.

VAL.
What do you want, Sir?

HAR.
What, wretch! you do not blush for shame after such a crime?

VAL.
Of what crime do you speak?

HAR.
Of what crime I speak? Base villain, as if you did not know what I mean! It is in vain for you to try to hide it; the thing is discovered, and I have just heard all the particulars. How could you thus abuse my kindness, introduce yourself on purpose into my house to betray me, and to play upon me such an abominable trick?

VAL.
Sir, since everything is known to you, I will neither deny what I have done nor will I try to palliate it.

JAC.
(aside). Oh! oh! Have I guessed the truth?

VAL.
I intended to speak to you about it, and I was watching for a favourable opportunity; but, as this is no longer possible, I beg of you not to be angry, and to hear my motives.

HAR.
And what fine motives can you possibly give me, infamous thief?

VAL.
Ah! Sir, I do not deserve these names. I am guilty towards you, it is true; but, after all, my fault is pardonable.

HAR.
How pardonable? A premeditated trick, and such an assassination as this!

VAL.
I beseech you not to be so angry with me. When you have heard all I have to say, you will see that the harm is not so great as you make it out to be.

HAR.
The harm not so great as I make it out to be! What! my heart's blood, scoundrel!

VAL.
Your blood, Sir, has not fallen into bad hands. My rank is high enough not to disgrace it, and there is nothing in all this for which reparation cannot be made.

HAR.
It is, indeed, my intention that you should restore what you have taken from me.

VAL.
Your honour, Sir, shall be fully satisfied.

HAR.
Honour is not the question in all this. But tell me what made you commit such a deed?

VAL.
Alas! do you ask it?

HAR.
Yes, I should rather think that I do.

VAL.
A god, Sir, who carries with him his excuses for all he makes people do: Love.

HAR.
Love?

VAL.
Yes.

HAR.
Fine love that! fine love, indeed! the love of my gold!

VAL.
No, Sir, it is not your wealth that has tempted me, it is not that which has dazzled me; and I swear never to pretend to any of your possessions, provided you leave me what I have.

HAR.
In the name of all the devils, no, I shall not leave it to you. But did anyone ever meet with such villainy! He wishes to keep what he has robbed me of!

VAL.
Do you call that a robbery?

HAR.
If I call that a robbery? A treasure like that!

VAL.
I readily acknowledge that it is a treasure, and the most precious one you have. But it will not be losing it to leave it to me. I ask you on my knees to leave in my possession this treasure so full of charms; and if you do right, you will grant it to me.

HAR.
I will do nothing of the kind. What in the world are you driving at?

VAL.
We have pledged our faith to each other, and have taken an oath never to forsake one another.

HAR.
The oath is admirable, and the promise strange enough!

VAL.
Yes, we are engaged to each other for ever.

HAR.
I know pretty well how to disengage you, I assure you of that.

VAL.
Nothing but death can separate us.

HAR.
You must be devilishly bewitched by my money.

VAL.
I have told you already, Sir, that it is not self-interest which has prompted me to what I have done. It was not that which prompted my heart; a nobler motive inspired me.

HAR.
We shall hear presently that it is out of Christian charity that he covets my money! But I will put a stop to all this, and justice, impudent rascal, will soon give me satisfaction.

VAL.
You will do as you please, and I am ready to suffer all the violence you care to inflict upon me, but I beg of you to believe, at least, that if there is any harm done, I am the only one guilty, and that your daughter has done nothing wrong in all this.

HAR.
I should think not! It would be strange, indeed, if my daughter had a share in this crime. But I will have that treasure back again, and you must confess to what place you have carried it off. 6

VAL.
I have not carried it off, and it is still in your house.

HAR.
(aside). O my beloved casket! (To Valère) My treasure has not left my house?

VAL.
No, Sir.

HAR.
Well, then, tell me, have you taken any liberties with…?

VAL.
Ah! Sir, you wrong us both; the flame with which I burn is too pure, too full of respect.

HAR.
(aside). He burns for my casket!

VAL.
I had rather die than show the least offensive thought: I found too much modesty and too much purity for that.

HAR.
(aside). My cash-box modest!

VAL.
All my desires were limited to the pleasures of sight, and nothing criminal has profaned the passion those fair eyes have inspired me with.

HAR.
(aside). The fair eyes of my cash-box! He speaks of it as a lover does of his mistress.

VAL.
Dame Claude knows the whole truth, and she can bear witness to it.

HAR.
Hallo! my servant is an accomplice in this affair?

VAL.
Yes, Sir, she was a witness to our engagement; and it was after being sure of the innocence of my love that she helped me to persuade your daughter to engage herself to me.

HAR.
Ah! (Aside) Has the fear of justice made him lose his senses? (To Valère) What rubbish are you talking about my daughter?

VAL.
I say, Sir, that I found it most difficult to make her modesty consent to what my love asked of her.

HAR.
The modesty of whom?

VAL.
Of your daughter; and it was only yesterday that she could make up her mind to sign our mutual promise of marriage.

HAR.
My daughter has signed a promise of marriage?

VAL.
Yes, Sir, and I have also signed.

HAR.
O heavens! another misfortune!

JAC.
(to the Officer). Write, Sir, write.

HAR.
Aggravation of misery! Excess of despair! (To the Officer) Sir, discharge your duty, and draw me up an indictment against him as a thief and a suborner.

JAC.
As a thief and a suborner.

VAL.
These are names which I do not deserve, and when you know who I am …

Footnotes:

6. A good deal of the mystification is lost in the translation through the necessity of occasionally putting it for casket, and she for Élise.