The Legend of Shaved Dog’s Ass

Well he walked into the squadron
In the summer of '02
And since that time we've never been the same

This wingman who would soon become a legend in his time
He never spoke, so no one knew his name

But after his arrival
There was never an empty keg
And always a fresh new batch of corn
And the coffee was the best that your lips would ever taste
And the shitter was always filled with porn

And he rode
Into battle with his back against the sun
And he saved us all
Oh we knew he was the one

And his name was Shaved Dog's Ass
The greatest of wingmen was he
He only said "2"
"Lead, you're on fire"
And "Save the fat one for me"

We soon went off to war
And the fighting was intense
The enemy snuck up from the hills

And he always got the tally first
But never did he shoot
Just sat back as flight lead got the kills

And he never would complain
When lead would fuck him over
The thought never even crossed his mind

69 times they notched press at night
Lights out, no moon
Shaved Dog's Ass, not once did he go blind

And he rode
Into battle with his back against the sun
And he saved us all
Oh, we knew he was the one

And his name was Shaved Dog's Ass
The greatest of wingmen was he
He only said "2"
"Lead, you're on fire"
And "Save the fat one for me"

With victory secured
We set out on the town
To celebrate this war's final end

And we came upon some ladies
Who were looking for heroes
But only if we had one for their friend

She stood 6 feet 4, 300 pounds
More facial hair than me
You could say she was a football coach's dream

We all jumped back in horror
As we started to abort
Shaved Dog's Ass stood up and took one for the team

And he rode
Into battle with his back against the sun
And he saved us all
Oh, we knew he was the one

That was the last we ever saw of the world's greatest wingman
I like to think he's watching us from above
Or maybe he's just sitting
On some tropical island
He and Sasquatch
Happily in love

And I think about him often
As I'm eating shitty corn
And the coffee
Is burned to the glass

So to all you wingmen out there
Who are looking to be the best
Just heed the lesson
Of the legend
Of Shaved Dog's Ass

And he rode
Into battle with his back against the sun
And he saved us all
Oh, we knew he was the one

And his name was Shaved Dog's Ass!
The greatest of wingmen was he
He only said "2"
"Lead, you're on fire"
And "Save the fat one for me"