(The Legend of) Miss Baltimore Crabs by Kristin Chenoweth (Ft. Ariana Grande, Dove Cameron, Garrett Clayton & Maddie Baillio)
(The Legend of) Miss Baltimore Crabs by Kristin Chenoweth (Ft. Ariana Grande, Dove Cameron, Garrett Clayton & Maddie Baillio)

(The Legend of) Miss Baltimore Crabs

Kristin Chenoweth & Ariana Grande & Garrett Clayton & Dove Cameron & Maddie Baillio * Track #5 On Hairspray Live! (NBC Television Event Original Soundtrack)

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(The Legend of) Miss Baltimore Crabs by Kristin Chenoweth (Ft. Ariana Grande, Dove Cameron, Garrett Clayton & Maddie Baillio)

Release Date
Fri Dec 02 2016
Performed by
Kristin ChenowethAriana Grande & Garrett Clayton & Dove Cameron & Maddie Baillio
Produced by
Scott M. Riesett
Writed by
Scott Wittman & Marc Shaiman
About

When Tracy goes to audition for the Corny Collins Show, she’s almost immediately stopped by Velma Von Tussle, the show’s main antagonist and producer of the Corny Collins Show. She vainly reminisces about her victory at a Baltimore Beauty Pageant while cruelly telling Tracy that she’s too fat to dan...

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(The Legend of) Miss Baltimore Crabs Lyrics

[TRACY, spoken]
I brought my own 45's, so if you wanna put them on, I'll show you my stuff!

[AMBER, spoken]
Haven't you shown us enough?

[VELMA]
Oh, my God, how times have changed!
This girl's either blind or completely deranged
Oh, the time seemed to halt
When I was Miss Baltimore Crabs

[TRACY, spoken]
It's always been my dream to dance on this show!

[AMBER, spoken]
Aww, maybe you ought to go back to sleep

[VELMA]
Childhood dreams for me were cracked
When that damn Shirley Temple stole my friggin' act!
But the crown's in the vault
From when I won Miss Baltimore Crabs

Those poor runner-ups may still hold some grudges
They padded their cups, but I screwed the judges
Those broads thought they'd win
If a plate they would spin in their dance
Haha! Not a chance!

'Cause I hit the stage, batons ablaze!
While belting high Cs and preparing cheese soufflés! Ahhh!
But that triple somersault
Was how I clinched Miss Baltimore Crabs!

[AMBER, spoken]
Oh, almost dinner time! Shouldn't you be waddling along?

[VELMA, spoken]
Amber! Haven't I taught you not to judge a book by its cover?

[AMBER, spoken]
No...

[VELMA, spoken]
Oh! This is America, where everyone deserves a separate, but equal chance to fail. I'll handle this
(sung)
Are you scared we're on live?

[TRACY]
No, I'm sure I can cope

[AMBER & VELMA]
Well, this show isn't broadcast in-

[COUNCIL MEMBERS]
CinemaScope!

[VELMA]
I never drank one chocolate malt-
No desserts for Miss Baltimore Crabs

[COUNCIL MEMBER, spoken]
How many sweaters do you own?

[TRACY, spoken]
Well, I'm sure, I've got plenty
Let me see, I have three, five
Wait, I have twenty!

[VELMA]
I would say, "Oy, gevalt!"
But I can't... I'm Miss Baltimore Crabs!

[COUNCIL MEMBER, spoken]
You're too wide from the back

[AMBER, spoken]
Honey, look at her front!

[VELMA]
Wait, are we on Candid Camera?
Okay, where's Allen Funt?

[AMBER, spoken]
Do you dance like you dress?

[LINK, spoken]
Girls, there's no need to be cruel

[VELMA]
Would you swim in an integrated pool?

*Councilmembers gasp*

[TRACY, spoken]
I sure would! I'm all for integration. It's the new frontier!

[VELMA, spoken]
Not in Baltimore, it isn't

[TRACY, spoken]
Can I audition for Corny now?

[VELMA]
Mmm... I'm his producer, and may I be frank?
First impressions can be tough and when I saw you, I knew it
If your size weren't enough, your last answer just blew it!

And so, my dear, so loud and stout
You'll never be in-

[COUNCIL MEMBERS]
So we're kicking you out!

[VELMA]
With your form and your face, well it isn't your fault
You're just down with a case of Miss Baltimore Crabs!
(spoken)
You may go

[TRACY, spoken]
Uh, thank you?

[PENNY, spoken]
I could tell, they really liked you!

[LITTLE INEZ, spoken]
Hello ma'am, I want to audition

[VELMA, spoken]
And I wanna be 18 again...
How about you bow and exalt?
(sung)
For I was Miss Baltimore Crabs!

[COUNCIL MEMBERS]
Crabs, crabs!

[VELMA]
Crabs!

(The Legend of) Miss Baltimore Crabs Q&A

Who wrote (The Legend of) Miss Baltimore Crabs's ?

(The Legend of) Miss Baltimore Crabs was written by Scott Wittman & Marc Shaiman.

Who produced (The Legend of) Miss Baltimore Crabs's ?

(The Legend of) Miss Baltimore Crabs was produced by Scott M. Riesett.

When did Kristin Chenoweth release (The Legend of) Miss Baltimore Crabs?

Kristin Chenoweth released (The Legend of) Miss Baltimore Crabs on Fri Dec 02 2016.

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