The Finale

[Ramsay]
Drumgoole, my dear, I must admit
Your life's been one long pile of shit
I must be nuts, at least a bit
To want to be involved in it

[McTurk]
But given the alternative

[Low]
Who knows how we'd be forced to live?

[The Boys]
When worlds collide, when worlds collide?

[Ramsay]
With you, Drumgoole, at my side

[McTurk]
And at my side!

[Low]
And at my side!

[The Boys]
With worlds colliding in on us
Drumgoole must be triogamous

[Ramsay]
Pray, say we shall be man and bride

[McTurk]
And man and bride

[Low]
And man and bride

[The Boys]
When worlds collide, the chivalrous
Drumgoole performs the frivolous
And dares to make it man and bride
And man and bride and man and...

[Connie]
That one's mine! He's my concubine
He'll get more out of me
Than what you peons call "love"
Hands off him, that one's mine!

[Low]
Your favors do not satisfy
I've witnesses who'll testify
And though Drumgoole is thin of thigh
She's worth a try, she's worth a try

[All]
Though nature was not generous
Her breasts are not as pendulous
Yet still they would be man and bride
And man and bride and man and bride!

[Father Brodie]
Now, according to the law this week
Still evolving even as we speak
Any woman may, at her discretion
Have her pick of losers

Since the breed has dropped so in quality
We abolish, hereby, monogamy
If you don't quite fancy this selection
We've got lots more losers

[Drumgoole]
I've seen all that I need to see
I've fallen for their flattery
And so we shall be man and bride
And man and bride and man and bride!

[All]
When world's collide, the rest of us
Won't be here with the best of us
For these, they shall be man and bride
And man and bride and man and bride!

[Rowena]
Correct me, honey
I smell no money
And when the chips are down
You'll be back around this finger here
I never said that I was in love with you
I never said that I was not, my dear

[Ramsay]
Why must this girl have everything?
How quickly he forgets the sting
For though she feigns to please him
She is talentless except to tease him
Don't think we haven't noticed

[Rowena]
We'll have a shower

[Bernard Coates]
And I'll allow her
She seems amused with you
It's so hard to keep her entertained

[Rowena]
We'll all go nudies
And you can bring your friends
Just keep the one who's nuts for tits restrained!

[McTurk]
My long term memory
Is not what it should be
Some tiny spark of love
Helps me find the proper words to say
Your smell of money
You filthy, lying bitch
Is just about to make me puke!
Go 'way
Please go away!

It's time to make us man and bride

[Ramsay]
And man and bride

[Low]
And man and bride!

[Father Brodie]
We've simplified, no muss, no fuss
And vows are now superfluous
I just declare you man and bride
And man and bride and man and bride
And man and man and bride and man
And man and...

(Connie and Georgina interrupt the ceremony)

[Connie]
Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
Georgianna, get over here with that law book
Listen up everybody

[Georgina]
I've the law book right in front of me
Article sixteen dash thirty-three
"When consenting adults shack together
They're connected legally"

[Connie]
Though he wants to eat and have his cake
There's a pact with me he cannot break
So the rest of you go rot forever
This one here will stay with me

[The Boys]
When worlds collide, the devious
The cunning, and the mischievous
Our not-yet-happy-home divide
When worlds collide, when worlds collide

[All]
When worlds collide, this friend of us
Is forced to be a succubus
Cruel fate is not upon our side
When worlds collide, when worlds collide

(Georgina rushes in with news from Parliament. She quotes the telegram.)

[Georgina]
Connie! Connie!
This urgent telegram is just in from Parliament
Well don't just stand there, let's gloat over it
Uh oh, I don't think you're going to like this

"Must clear the old regime away
The residue must be destroyed
As of nine o'clock today
Contracts with men are null and void"

[Connie]
WHAT?!?!?!?!

(Chaos once again reigns)

[Father Brodie]
You're free, my boy, I'm proud to say
And so without further delay
I now declare you man and bride
And man and bride and man and bride!

[Drumgoole & The Boys]
When worlds collide, the least of us
May get to share the feast with us
For now we four are man and bride

[All]
Till worlds collide, till worlds collide
Till worlds collide, till worlds collide
Till worlds collide, till worlds collide
Till worlds collide, till worlds collide
Till worlds collide
We're men and bride!