The Buffoon And The Valedictorian

"And now the buffoon's date at the drive-in with the school's valedictorian."
"I really appreciate you're asking me out.
Most people are intimidated by my high academic achievement."
"This movie sucks shit!"
"Well, Ebert gave it thumbs up,
but Siskel thought it was too preachy.
Anyway, I enjoyed the director's last film immensly."
"Kathleen Turner has big fuckin' tits!"
"Yes, well, she recently had a child.
I think her maternal biology may play a role in that.
She looks fabulous for a woman her age, doesn't she?"
"I put a firecracker in a bullfrog's mouth and blew his fuckin' head off."
"Well, in psychology we learned that it is not uncommon
for male adolescents to commit savage acts on animals as part of their maturing process."
"That girl in the fucking car in front of us. She gives everybody head."
"Well, I guess she's strong for attention and she feels promiscuity is the only way to obtain it."
"This popcorn's fuckin' terrible. It tastes like someone jizzed all over it."
"Well, the thought of semen on this popcorn is certainly disturbing.
Perhaps the staff in the refreshment stand was overcome
by the monotony of their work and decided to play a childish prank."
"I looked at my asshole in the mirror today. It blew my fuckin' mind!"
"It's ironic that parts of one's own body seems odd
and unusual because you don't see them on a day to day basis.
"My father's shit stinks up the bathroom all fuckin' day!"
"It's puzzling why one person's fecal odor can be more overpowering than another's.
I wonder whether it is a function of the food digested or that person's internal metabolism."
"I'm gonna go get head from that fuckin' girl."
"Well, I'm sorry to see the date come to such an abrupt conclusion."
"I do appreciate the time you spent with me and look forward to a future rendez-vous."
"I like to piss in that guy's fuckin' gas tank!"
"Bye bye! Have fun."