The Ballad Of The Night The Clocks All Quit (And The Government Failed)

Gather 'round people gonna tell you a tale
'Bout the time that the clocks all quit and the government failed
Way back when the agents tracked all the postmen down
And they found all they needed to know in the second-class mail
And then they hauled off everyone 'cept for me
And a couple of friends they forgot in the Nottingham jail

Now that jailer, he saw all the smoke in the air
And he wished he was there instead of inside watching our cell
So we said "Go do your share, we ain't goin' nowhere"
He agreed, grabbed his gun with a smile and then he wished us all well
Before he got to his car, we had cut through the bars
Snuck outside and sat back just to watch 'til the curtain fell

Now the first thing I noticed when we hit the street
Was the Seventh Fleet they was cruising the center of town
Struck me as very strange
And nobody seemed real clear who had sent them there
But they sure looked grand with the band, the balloons and the clowns
I love a parade
And they played "Anchors away" for the rest of the day
'Cept the times that they'd lower their guns
And shoot some renegade down

And John the Baptist and Uncle Sam
They was carryin' the plans for some new kind of object of faith
When all of a sudden this renegade band with their guns in their hands
Stopped them both and demanded a look in the top secret case
But just in the nick of time they were stricken blind
By a low flying plane with no name and no number to trace

But just the same John lost his head, they said he was going to run
But someone held him down and Sam tied up his hands
He cried out to his boss but he couldn't get across
'Cause the lines were all down
And the crowd cheered him on from the stands
But he finally did get away, you can find him today
He sells silver plates and still waits for the boss to call back

And Attila the Hun and his Austrian son
Left their hideout in Rio to fly out and relive the past
Sam he showed 'em around when they got into town
But he warned 'em the rules had been changed
Since they'd played the game last
Ol' Attila just grinned and winked at his friend
I forget what went down after that
It all happened so fast

Yes it was lookin' real bad, any luck that we'd had
Had been lost in the park after dark when the army arrived
Big trouble y'know, cause
They was sweeping the town chasing renegades down
There were no friends to be found
There was no place at all left to hide
And the Austrian son he was having some fun
He'd been put in command of the camps and his prisoners all died

Meanwhile
Way across town in the penthouse suite of the tallest building
The boss was asleep when he heard such a clatter
He sprang from his bed just to see what was the matter
He looked down on the street and that scene filled his eyes
But you know he wasn't even surprised
Well he got on the phone and he ordered some thunder
Some rain and some disk blades to plow it all under
Someone asked why, with a sigh he explained
That the fools was up doin' it again

Meanwhile back on the street
This clown in a gown and a hat with tattoos on his shoulders
Comes over and whispers "It's gonna be alright"
He says he's a personal friend of the boss
And then asks if we've got any sheep he can sacrifice later that night
We said "No" he said "Oh" and then wandered off
Chanting some strange sounding language and waving his wand at the sky
A most unusual individual
Confused me, you know, but

Sam and Attila they'res gettin' their fill of the action and danger
They'd burned every manger in town
And Ol' John's eyes were hazy, he must have gone crazy
He's going around tryin' to drown everybody he found
And the Austrian son was still having his fun
Launching V-2s at anything moving or making a sound

But bright and early next morning without any warning
The sky opened up and the boss stuck his head through the clouds
Something they'd never seen before
And the, the Army and Navy they opened up fire
But he grabbed him that lightning and layed them all under the ground
Sam jumped up to salute, the boss said "That's real cute
But it's a little bit late
'Cause I've seen what's been going down"
Sam didn't know what to make of that, you know

He said "You've got it all wrong
It's them that you want and not me
Can't you see that's Attila and the Austrian kid?"
The boss says "Yes that's true but I also want you
Do you think that I'm blind?
Did you think you could keep yourself hid?"
And just then the clown in the gown hits the ground
And starts kissing his feet
But he stepa on his tongue and says "Who is this kid?"

And that's the way it was
And that's the way it is
And that's the way it's probably gonna be

And after all this happened you know this
Huge flock of birds of prey swept down on the debris
And I was listenin' and my friends from the Nottingham jail was listenin'
And I swear to ya them birds was goin' (makes bird sounds)
I didn't know what to make of it
But I present this story to you and you can take it for whatever you think it's worth, man
Thank you so much