Thanks a Lot, But No Thanks

(Verse)
I'm watching and waiting
Hello, Sam! Hello, Joe!
I'm waiting and watching
Hello, Max! Hello, Bob! Hello, Jasper!
I hope and I yearn
Hello, Bill! Hello, Phil!
Just for his return
Hello, fellas!

(Chorus)
Thanks for the present of the silver blue mink
Thanks for the plane and for the ice-skating rink
Thanks for the yacht and for the solid-gold sink
Thanks a lot, but no thanks

Thanks for the Scrabble set with platinum board
Thanks for the factory once known as Ford
Thank you for finding me the famous Lost Chord
Thanks a lot, but no thanks

For I am just a faithful lassie
Waitin' for a faithful lad
And there's no gift, however classy
By which this lassie can be had

Thanks for the banks and for the Santa Fe Line
Thanks for the darling uranium mine
But I'm a gal with only one valentine
Thanks a lot, but no thanks

Thanks for the champagne
And thanks for the state of Maine
And thanks for the autograph of John Wayne
Thanks a lot, but no thanks

Thanks for the cruise
And thanks for the oil wells that ooze
And thanks for that pair of Fred Astaire's shoes
Thanks a lot, but no thanks

For I am just a faithful lassie
Waitin' for a faithful lad
And there's no gift, however classy
By which this lassie can be had

Thanks for losin' your mind
And thanks for Fort Knox, sealed and signed
But I've got a guy who's Clifton Webb and Marlon Brando combined
Thanks a lot, but no, no thanks