Tendencies

[Verse]
So tell me right now my nigga what you want
Yeah
I sit in my room with a couple of blunts
Yeah
If I'm being honest then I was surrounded by lots of distractions
When it's all said and done I pray the Lord can forgive me for all of my ignorant actions
What am I asking?
I can't believe in a deity that don't exist
And if I reminisce, then I'm blessed with the clearest depiction of pain that some people are causing me
I was like ten or eleven vividly remember my father walking out to leave me
He would step out the door but then never return
So in time I would turn into something that you've never seen
I'm a literal monster that might make a massacre, masochist, and mastermind
I've been ready to die
If you took a look inside my mind
Then I guarantee that you'll go blind
What the fuck do we find?
I've been living in darkness forever
My pen was never redefined
And I go back and forth in a system of psychoanalysis, constant offender, repetitive felon
Developed a hatred of people possessing the same complexion that I see
When I look in the mirror I can't stand the image reflecting on everything I'll never be
And my mother's a fiend
I said my mother's a fiend
She been a user for years
And if I remember correctly it was her addiction that made me a joke to my peers
And I'm making it clear I'm not longer a kid or a child
I'm a man that has run out of options
And I bought the biggest of pistols to pop it at people
I'm tweaking, and seeking
While peeping a victim
I see that my future is dimmer and bleak
And if we ever meet I can never beseech
I'll besiege you with bullets
By pulling the trigger from thinkin' yo pockets are poorest with pennies
Deplorable act I would love to commit it
[Invented the venom up in this nigga?]
Commended by givin' the spirit of vengeance
The hatred I have is inherent
It's oh so apparent that I wanted guidance
But never got that from my parents
And paired with my confidence or self-esteem
When I sleep, I can't dream
I see too many things that have stunted my growth
It's a constant regression so I'm feelin' lost
Abstainin' from everything
With the image that I have presented to people
To see that the pain that I'm feelin' is deep but it's no pity party
I'm starving so I gotta eat
And I ain't seen my mother in weeks
And I mean if I did it was never that long
I've been thinkin' 'bout life and the path that I chose
So I need to expose all my issues
And get rid of all my problems that I am possessing with prominence
People will break up their promises
All for a piece of percentage they get from repentance
Dependent upon if you fillin' the penance
I live in depression I cause a funeral procession
My life ain't a blessing
This stress and austerity barely showing dexterity
All that I wanted was clarity
Dare say that mind is a rarity
Really embarrassing
Fuck it I just saw a nigga that's walking and talking on a phone that I can't afford
And I seen him out my window, this is a problem that he cannot avoid
'Cause I'm broke as fuck
And I'm tired of feelin' stuck
It's time to press my luck
I bet I put the pistol right between his eyes
I make him feel surprised to see his own demise
And what I should describe, a plan I would devise
So I can now survive, a minute's all I need
I breathe
Then decide