Suicidal Prayers

Alicia sometimes feels a little lost at sea
She looks at her face and doesn’t know what to see
She knows she has a nice body but her face she covers in the selfie
Got four million followers on Insta
But none of them know the real girl
And on her instagram all you see are a bunch of comments that are witty
But if you looked into her soul you know she’s screaming
Screaming into the mirror and praying “HELP ME!”
Don’t no help come
Her mom died a while ago so there’s never no “well done”
She curls into a circle when her dad yells “I NEVER SHOULDA COME!”
“I NEVER SHOULDA HAD YOU!”
Hell in her house and then she goes back to school
Everybody mock her behind her back
Not the prettiest so all the other tools
Go around mocking her, tearing her down, throwing her to the ground
She calls it the ground rule
Never fight back
Never might ask
For help
Because then the abuse gets worse and they’ll take another crack
At her
If she don’t show she broken they won’t rest till she breaks
And so the push her and trip her
Abuse at home
Abuse at school
She puts up a smile
But she know it’s fake
Walking home one day, forgot her can of mace
Man came up from behind and then she got raped
Couple weeks later she find out she pregnant
And by the second trimester it’s obvious
Now they laugh at her face
“You couldn’t keep your legs together, you skank!”
They shove her to the ground, she don’t know what to say
She want to somehow find a way
To end the pain
She knows her dad has rat poison in the house
So she just lay there on the ground and she allows herself one more time to pray

Michael’s sadness is sometimes chronic
His mom an alcoholic
She just can’t stop smoking, can’t stop sipping the tonic
Dad left the family a while ago
He’s gotten over the shock, his mom’s still catatonic
Pain is his language, he’s now diachronic
He’s angry about everything, call it cyclonic
He wants her to live, the smoke in her lungs is pneumonic
He screams to God in the mirror, “HELP ME!”
Don’t no help come
His mom wants to forget
He wants her to remember
He tries to get her
To see him
He tries to be her mnemonic
He tries to hug her and she moves away, mumbling “stop it”
Lately feeling that he’s invisible
Used to be that his mom and he were indivisible
Music the only thing that brings him hope
Goes to his favorite rapper’s tour and gets let down in the show
They talk about the fame and the money
They talk about the lucid life and the winning
Talk about how the fans push them and then push this boy away
Woah
Michael saves up all his money to go to the meet n’ greet
He can see the grills in the rapper’s teeth
Tells his hero about his problems
Says “you give me hope, I don’t care that you don’t rhyme sometimes, you’re only human”
Looks for the words of wisdom that’re about to drop from the man
Then the rapper smiles and says “have a good day, good luck”
And the boy is pushed along, gets shoved out, this wasn’t the plan
He’s at a loss
He doesn’t know what to do
He was just glossed
Over
He goes to school
And is just mocked
“Where’s your mommy? Oh, that’s right, she too busy with her liquor”
He’s a man
Men don’t whine
So he locks himself in the bathroom stall
And only then allows himself to cry
He needs somehow to end the pain
He knows he has knives at home
He don’t see no other way
So he just bows his head into his hands and allows himself one more time to pray

Bethany sometimes seems be from Disney
Not the princess who is happy
But the evil villain who has it all and then loses it
Her family is rich
And so she invokes a lot of jealousy
Parents love their money
More than they love Bethany
And she tries to win their approval but their expressions stay frosty
She turns into a bully
If she can’t find happiness then neither will anyone else
Her life hurts so she make sure others feel like it’s hell
She has everything society says will bring her happiness
But her soul is like an ATM
She tries to fill it with money but she’s still full of emptiness
Because true happiness isn’t something you can just cash in
She tries to fill the void in her soul with parties
But like an ulcer the ache just grows worse
And ache that isn’t physical and yet nonetheless hurts
So she fills the hole in her stomach with beer
And then she can’t take how it sits so she hurls
But she’s empty again so she grabs another bottle
Drinks once again with her girls
But the beer makes her do stupid things, makes her mind twirl
And then she gets filmed doing something that would make her mother’s hair curl
And make her ancestors roll in their graves
She wants to find a way to end the pain
She knows she has rope in the house
This way her parents feel the blame
She knows she’s about to end it
So she sobs into the mirror and allows herself one last time to pray