Suffocating

[Intro]
Huh
I'm tired, man
Sometimes I just sit in my room and I just hold my breath
And let all the pressure and anxiety build up
And just let the time pass by

[Verse]
At first, I couldn't breathe
Now I'm suffocatin' (Suffocatin')
Maybe the pressure from the fame isn't worth what I'm chasin' (I don't know)
I used to say God's playing
Now the devil's on my team acting foul and it's all flagrant (Huh)
Tryna push me off the path that I'm steady paving
Sin is the currency and every day I'm making payments (Every day)
I don't wanna live in it, but I heard a saying
"Good knows evil 'cause the houses are both adjacent"
I don't know if I should go for thesе goals
I've seen people gain thе world but lose they souls
My anxiety is buildin' as the weight of it grows
I seclude myself in privacy inside my home
And I barely answer calls, and when I see my phone
I'm reminded that the real feelin' of being alone (Real feelin')
Is having millions who love you but can leave you
Or say that they hate you at the moment they don't fuck with a song
I used to laugh it off
Now I hold my breath and suffocate (That's what I do)
Then I sit and wait just to see if I can kill the hate (I can kill)
And as I'm fleetin' I see God at the heaven's gates
Then come back down to fight another day
Then I grab that same phone and smile and wave
And pour my empty heart into a song that they won't praise
They say patience is the key but they didn't tell me
While I wait, I'd be locked inside a steel cage
Something's wrong, I feel claustrophobic (Claustrophobic)
I'm stuck living in the past and not the moment (The moment)
Or the future where my life is only more broken (More broken)
Cause those wounds from the past are still open (Still open)
I take sips of love and every single time it's poison
I see women who can't see past my employment
Or see me as enjoyment so I can't enjoy it
'Cause the ride's temporary and they leave once they crash and destroy it
I don't think this life is healthy, why didn't anybody tell me?
Everybody'd want help but nobody'd wanna help me
I'm an ATM, a therapist and everybody's friendly
And they hide their real intentions, but my mind won't let me
If I make a sad song, don't ask me if I'm happy
Fuck a hook, my pain isn't catchy
If you relate, or worse, feel badly
Fuckin' pity me at least, and check in if you at me
That's the only way I'll know who it touches
That's why I stay awake and answer DMs by the hundreds (By the hundreds)
So I don't lose myself and fill my stomach
With the feelin' that I'm here just to suffocate for nothin'
If you know real pain then you see it when you look me in my eyes (Fuckin' pain)
I try to hide it, but they do not lie
I wanna sleep, but if I try
The demons who creep in my dreams will collide
So I stay up and I stare at the ceilin'
And ask myself if I should even share these feelings
Then I hear a voice in the distance from a ghost-like image
Sayin' my pain could be somebody's healin'
So I close my eyes and drift to the place that inspires these lyrics
And as I see flames and I scream
I pray it's a place you'll never have to visit