Stand By Your Man

Brittany:
Alvin, don't lie to me!
I saw you making eyes at Minnie Mouse!

Alvin:
Lovepuddle, I was just being sociable

Brittany:
Really
And what about winking at Miss Piggy?

Alvin:
I had something in my eye!

Brittany:
Well, I can't sing "Stand By Your Man" to a two-timing gigolo!
I, I just don't think Tammy Wynette would approve

Alvin:
Look, Tammy happens to be a very close, personal friend of mine
And she told me

Tammy:
What's all this ruckus?

Alvin:
Ha ha ha, Tammy!

Tammy:
Who are you?

Brittany:
He's a very close, personal friend of yours

Alvin:
Well, will you look at the time?
Bye!

Brittany:
Oh!

Tammy:
What's the problem honey?

Brittany:
Well, I'm having a little trouble with your song
You see, Alvin's just not the kind of man you want to stand by

He never remembers birthdays
Except his own
And he's always late for dates
And, well he's, he's, he's just a thoughtless furball!

Tammy:
Look, honey
Why don't you give the song a try
And I'll give you a little couching

Brittany:
Sometimes it's hard to be a woman
Giving all your love to just one rat

Tammy:
Brittany....

Brittany:
You'll have bad times
And he'll have good times

Tammy:
Hon...

Brittany:
Doing things that you don't understand
But if you love him
You'll forgive him
Yeah, right

Even though he's hard to understand
And if you love him
Be proud of him
Ha!
'Cause after all
He's just
He's just a jerk!

Tammy:
Control your anger, honey

Brittany:
Stand by your man
Give him two arms to cling to
And something warm to come to
Like an old hot water bottle

Tammy:
Ahem...

Brittany:
Stand by your man
And show the world you love him
Keep giving all the love you can
Stand by your man

But Tammy
Last week I saw him with another girl

Tammy:
Ah, why that two-timing louse

Brittany:
So, what should I do?

Tammy:
Dump him

Brittany:
But I, I thought you said stand by your man?

Tammy:
I said man, not weasel
And only if he stands by you
Does he leave the toilet seat up?

Brittany:
Ah, always
And he always puts his stinky feet on my furniture

Tammy:
So did my old boyfriend

Brittany:
Ah, but you know Tammy, I, I love him

Tammy:
Who?
My old boyfriend?

Brittany:
Ha, no
Alvin!

Alvin:
I knew it!

Brittany:
Ah, Alvin!

Alvin:
That's right
I heard the whole thing
You're crazy about me
Stinky feet and all
Face it, Brittany
I'm irresistible

Tammy:
Brittany?

Brittany:
I know

Tammy & Brittany:
Dump him

Alvin:
What!? Wait a minute
I do know your birthday
It's January, right?
March?

Come on!
Give me a hint
Is it in the first half of the year?