Speedrun To Redemption

[VOX, spoken]
Alright, show me redemption

[CHARLIE]
Step one, say you'll get it done
Make redemption your resolution

[ANGEL DUST, spoken]
Fine

[CHARLIE]
Step two, bid the booze adieu

[ANGEL DUST, spoken]
Hey!

[CHARLIE]
A sober mind's primed for absolution
Step three, dignity!
Try dressing more modestly
Step four, feed the poor

[HOMELESS DEMON]
Hey, ain't you that fancy whore?

[CHARLIE]
Five, six, seven, eight
Come on, buddy, concentrate
Change some babies, and
Help old ladies across the street
Isn't he sweet?

[VOX, spoken]
Uh-huh

[VELVETTE, spoken]
Right

[CHARLIE]
Come on, Angel, you're far from shameful
Just misunderstood
You can be good for good

[ANGEL DUST, spoken]
Woah

[CHARLIE]
All you skeptics, pay close attention
We'll speedrun from here to redemption

Step nine, give a hobo a dime

[VOX, spoken]
Yeah, no way this story is bogus

[CHARLIE]
Step ten, do one through nine again

[ANGEL DUST, spoken]
Again?

[CHARLIE]
Just in case the angels in charge didn't notice
Step eleven—

[VOX]
Little question, this guy gets to Heaven how?

[CHARLIE]
Step twelve, what the hell?
Pentious was redeemed by now
Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen
Better, nicer, faster, quickly

Wear this top hat, and build a rocket
You gotta commit, start speaking like this
Have depression, an egg obsession
And a leathery hood, then you'll be good for good
Then save a friend from a certain demise— oh, fuck!
Maybe the key is self-sacrifice
If you offer up your life with pure intentions
We'll speedrun from here to redemption

[ANGEL DUST, spoken]
I hate you