Hazbin Guarantee (Trust Us)

[CHARLIE]
Come on in, here's your key
Let me take your bag, wait 'til you see
The hotel, 'cause it's great
If you parked your car, we'll validate
All our guests are family

[ANGEL DUST, spoken]
Hey, perv, hands off the chest fluff

[CHARLIE]
That's the Hazbin guarantee
And did I mention it's free?

[ALASTOR, spoken]
It's worth the price

[VAGGIE, spoken]
Al, be nice

[HUSK, spoken]
Full of drunks

[CHERRI BOMB, spoken]
Full of cunts

[NIFFTY]
Full of sticky floors covered in junk

[CHARLIE]
Ha, don't mind them

[ANGEL DUST, spoken]
No one does

[CHARLIE]
Or that hole

[VAGGIE, spoken]
Ugh, Cherri

[CHERRI BOMB, spoken]
What?

[CHARLIE]
You've made a great choice to save your soul
'Cause redemption is possible, I really, really hope
'Cause if it isn't, then my whole life's been a fuckin' joke
And my friend died for no reason and I'm never gonna cope
From watching him get fucking murdered right in front of me last month

[BAXTER, spoken]
What?

[CHARLIE]
There's a bar

[HUSK, spoken]
What the shit?

[CHARLIE]
Have a beer

[BAXTER, spoken]
I don't drink

[CHARLIE]
I just know you're gonna love it here

[CHARLIE & VAGGIE]
We can live in harmony

[HUSK, spoken]
No, I can't make a fucking Mai Tai

[CHARLIE & VAGGIE]
That's the Hazbin guarantee

[CHARLIE & HOTEL VISITORS]
Now repeat after me
I'm checkin' in (I'm checkin' in)
I'm seekin' guidance (I'm seekin' guidance), come on, everybody
For my reckonin' (For my reckonin')
I'll never turn to violence (I'll never turn—)
I'm checkin' in (I'm checking in)
I'm seekin' guidance

[HOTEL VISITOR, spoken]
That place sucked ass

[VOX, spoken]
Psst, hey, you

[HOTEL VISITOR, spoken]
Who? Me?

[VOX, spoken]
That's right, baby

[VOX]
Redemption got you snoring? That scene was fucking boring
Have you considered a vocation that is more rewarding?
Because I sense a drop of star potential
With a little boost, that drip could turn torrential

[VELVETTE]
Come on down to Vee Tower where we help talent flower

[VALENTINO]
No tellin' how hot you could get once you're backed by our power

[VELVETTE]
Let's start with a killer fit, let's get filler in those lips

[VALENTINO]
Wax that gooch and pull that strip

[VALENTINO & VELVETTE, VELVETTE]
A-snip, snip, snip
Ooh, all of Hell's gonna want you
In this game, no one outdoes us
No one can outbuzz us

[VALENTINO, VELVETTE & VOX]
All you gotta do is trust us
(La-la-la) Just us
(La-la-la) Trust us

[VOX]
Take all these starring roles

[VALENTINO]
We trademarked all your holes

[VOX & VALENTINO]
There's no such thing as being totally over-exposed

[VELVETTE]
Except now they're sick of you 'cause they've seen way too much
But we'll still get the clicks from souls who hate you

[VOX]
Scratch that, they changed the channel
And we can't sell the scandal
Hope you had fun, but we are done with you
Your run is cancelled
We're finished, I'm not kidding
Get the fuck out of my building
Get the fuck out of my building

[VALENTINO & VELVETTE, VALENTINO]
Snip, snip, snip, bitch
Ooh
But if you know someone new
Tell 'em that no one outdoes us
No one can outbuzz us
All they gotta do is—

[CHARLIE, VOX, VALENTINO & VELVETTE]
Come on in (Come on down to Vee Tower)
Here's your key

[CHARLIE, VOX, VALENTINO & VELVETTE]
And see how great your afterlife could be

[CHARLIE]
We can live in harmony

[VALENTINO & VELVETTE]
Why be nice when you can be famous?

[CHARLIE]
That's the Hazbin

[VOX, VALENTINO & VELVETTE]
Sign and cash in

[CHARLIE]
Guarantee

[VOX]
Yeah, right, bitch
Trust me, just me
Trust—

[VOX, spoken]
Us, no, I—
I meant to say us

[VELVETTE, spoken]
Uh-huh

[VALENTINO, spoken]
Yeah, okay