Sour Grapes (Legend of the Mix)

[Spoken Intro]
Hildy: Wish I had one of them horses that's on a stick, put it between your legs...jump up and down with it, those are fun!

Billy B: Hildy?

Hildy: Yeah, Billy B?

Billy B: I was perusing the interweb the other day in search of new and interesting forms of pornography, and I came across something very interesting that juxtaposed against Aunt Mama's missionary position on alcohol

Hildy: Oh, she didn't like alcohol

Billy B: No, she did not, but this here fact kind of undermines that position, which...I assume is a bad position
The key figure in her mythology, a Mr. 'Jesus', apparently used to turn water into wine

Hildy: No shit?!

Billy B: Yes, and I have an idea. I'm looking around the room here I see a lot of people with Aquafina. I'm thinking if we find Jesus and get him down here, we can take that Aquafina and turn it into wine, and take this punk rock party up a notch, what do ya say?

Hildy: I say hey Jesus!!!

[Verse 1]
And behold there was an angel
And she took me by the hand
Led me deep into the chamber
Mother’s belly underground

I found comfort in this darkness
As a child in the womb
Unafraid my eyes were open
Silent angel filled the room

[Chorus]
Then Mr. Jesus
(Hey Jesus!)
Saved our party
(Hey Jesus!)
With his wine
(Hey Jesus!)
It's the legend of the sour grapes!

[Verse 2]
She bade me to peer through yonder portal
To heaven just before the sun
And behold the morning angel
Whispering follow me now, son

With her light as through a finger
Pointing to the yonder wall
Traced a path of five directions
And behold the holy star

[Chorus]
Then Mr. Jesus
(Hey Jesus!)
Saved our party
(Hey Jesus!)
With his wine
(Hey Jesus!)
It's the legend of the sour grapes!

[Spoken Bridge]
Hildy: OK now, Billy B, this Jesus, he sounds awful talented?

Billy B: Very

Hildy: Now, do you think, you know how I make that spinach dip and put it in a sour bread bowl. Now, do you think he can take my spinach dip and turn it into something maybe a little bit more useful like, I don't know, cocaine?

Billy B: I believe he can, see? I was cruising his Wikipedia file, and as it turns out that mr Jesus was a very talented fella. He could not only clear up eczema, work..uh..work on your..your acne, fix retards, and get this: master of watersports. So I don't think that's much of a stretch

He can not only turn your awful spinach dip into cocaine, I think we can skip right over the wine. Let's take that water and turn it into tequila

Hildy: Fuckin A, Jesus! He's amazing!

[Chorus]
Jesus!
(Hey Jesus!!)
Saved our party
(Hey Jesus!!)
With his wine
(Hey Jesus!!)
And cocaine
(Oh Jesus!!)
It's the legend of the sour
Legend of the sour
Legend of the sour grapes!