Solitaire

Some days find me sitting alone -
Actually, most days, I find myself on my own.
When the day's dark and dreary,
When it's raining and I can't see clearly,
I find myself thinking deeply
About the word 'solitary'.

I'm locked inside by the rain outside
But at least I have my Windows,
So I open up my laptop
And I stare at the logo.
I looked deep into my system
And I found a name for my lifestyle there.
I don't know if it's consolation or recreation,
but it's called Solitaire.

The kings and queens
Travel in droves like sheep
Talking loudly about things
That are really not that deep
While I lag behind
And people lag behind me
While they walk in groups
We are solitary

...And we'll never be royals
Because our social lives are just way too jacked up,
And it really is inexpressible.
I fear I'm about to break down.
I think I need a time out.
I'm going to begin a countdown,
And perhaps, by the time I'm done, I'll be fine
Ten, nine
Eight, seven,
I'm living in hell
And I'm praying for heaven.
Six, five, four,
Three, two

I abhor...
I abhor groups of decks,
I take my single deck apart
One
By one
By one
I am one,
And as one,
I am a unified whole.
My soul is intact, and I'd like it to stay that way.
I don't need an upgrade,
I am the best grade that can be given.
Nothing - and I mean nothing - can take my place.
I am an Ace.
I am one, but I am too...
Too loud,
Too quiet,
Too sad, and they don't like it.
I am too undesirable to turn myself into two

Too many people in twos,
Hand-holding,
Waist-grabbing,
Forehead kisses,
Ass-tapping
Couples talking late into the night,
And seeing them around is such a bother.
Why don't I have a significant other?
Is it because I live...solitaire?

I hate threes.
God, I hate threes.
They always turn into two and one,
And I am always the one.
Three means two people converse and one diverts
And one hurts,
But two honestly does not give a coin's toss.

Solitaire.

Toss a coin, and maybe you'll get lucky.
Four stands for
Four-leaf clover,
For green fertility in the background,
For the sunny summer periods
That are briefly rid of idiots.
Inauguration into clubs
Can lift your heart.
Four is a symbol of stability,
For unity,
For companionship...
But that is not the point of solitaire.

It's not fair
That good things can come to such an abrupt end
That you begin to wonder if they ever really started
But before we get there,
There's the mediation point.
Five
Is the halfway between one and ten,
When it's all too easy to get lost in confusion.
If I get a five...
If I get a five, I'll be halfway done,
And if I'm halfway done,
Then I've almost won.
But if I don't,
Then I'm back to one,
One
And one is...
Solitaire.

Six goes like this:
It's just two threes,
Two twos live in bliss
And two ones remain in a fix -

Until seven.
Seven is a morbid type of heaven.
One is so high above the clouds
That they can't be touched.
Heart beating red and hot in one's chest
One feels blessed,
At least till eight
When hate suddenly fills your soul,
Turning your red heart into a red diamond
That none can penetrate.
Ha!
...And you wonder why you're still single
You don't allow yourself not to be...
Solitaire.

My diamond heart is tired,
So I fall asleep by nine.
My lonely heart hopes that I dream of you
And when I wake, you'll be mine.
I can no longer pretend
That I don't really care
About the negative emotional consequences
Of being Solitaire.

I haven't always wanted to be alone.
I know that's what I put across,
Because I couldn't handle the thought of not being the boss
of my own emotions.
So I remained Solitaire,
Dug a hole, put my diamond heart in it,
And filled it up with layers of sand.
I never found a perfect person,
But you're like a perfect ten over ten.
Ten times, four suits,
Twelve cards, plus one -
Solitaire.

To leave the singles' club,
Free my diamond heart
Use the one thing missing: a spade
To dig up my past and uncover the treasure that lies beneath.
And you can turn my red diamond back into a red heart,
My Black Knight...
Oh wait, wrong game.
But chess, I play that too.
(I happen to be a Jack of all trades.)
But you know, a Jack is still not a Queen.
Janelle Monae taught me how to be queen.
She told me weird is good if you'll just believe.
And she wrote for the people who feel ostracized
The goats amongst the mares,
The ones treated unfairly,
The ones who feel solitary:
Queer, untouchable, emigrant, excommunicated and Negroid.
Well I say my Queen stands for
Queer, untouchable, extraordinary, exceptional
And the N is for not held down by society's demands to fit into a group.
After all, if a man is one of the peasants,
Then he can't be king.

Solitaire.
The King begins the real game by being the head of the stack.
And maybe that's the aim of Solitaire.
The king begins the game, but in the end, it all comes down to
One
By one
By one,
I place the pieces of my life back into position.
The rain clears and restores my vision
And I can see now that I am one
I am one,
And that is enough
Solitaire.
Alt + F4, Close window, End Program.