So I Ups to Him

[Verse 1]
I was walking down Park Avenue the other day
I was whistling [?]
A fellow who was coming in the opposite direction
He bumped right into me-a
I didn't say nothing, I was gonna keep on going
Don't you think, he turned around and said, "Why don't you look where you're going?"
I stood aghast as it wasn't my fault
Then he pushed me off the sidewalk onto the asphalt

[Chorus]
So I ups to him and he ups to me
Then I ups to him and I said
I said it was his fault
He said it was my fault
I said it was his fault
He said, "If you don't like it I'll punch right in the proboscis"

[Verse 2]
I was so mad I was frothing at the kneecaps
So I ups to him and he ups to me
But I don't do nothing, I just use my attitude, see?
Then I said, "Wait a minute, wait a minute, Mack"
You might look like a lumberjack
But you can't bulldoze me
And with that to show him who was boss
I puts a chip on my should and says
"Knock it off, knock it off"
Fivе minutes later the chip was still thеre
But the shoulder was gone

[Verse 3]
So I ups to him again and he ups to me again
So I goes my way and he goes my way
Well, exhausted, fatigued and tired too
I stopped into a nearby pharmacy for my daily vitamins
I was munching vitamin A, B, C and D
And was getting down to E, F, G and H
When I feels a tap on my shoulder and saying
"Have one on me, partner"
Thinking it was the same chump I whirls around quick as a flash, I ups to him
When I finds myself face-to-face with a westerner, a tough umbrae
So I stops upping to him and I says, "Pardon me, stranger
A stone got in my shoe
You needn't to start a-cussin’, I haven't done anything to you"
Recognizing the drawl in my voice, he asks me where I hails from
And when I says, "[?], Tombstone, Phoenix, Arizona"
He hits me with his leather boot, blackens my eye
Knocks me down, picks me up
Knocks me down, picks me up
But I kept smiling through it all
I had to smile, he has his fist in my mouth
So I left him to his own resources

[Verse 4]
Now the scene changes, three years has elapsed
I've grown a perfect toupee and I've prospered
I'm laying on the beach at Waikiki, just a millionaire on the loose
When I feel someone tickling me on the nose
And a voice singing a la Caruso
It was, "I remember you
Say, brother, I remember you
Say, you're the fellow with a big smeller
I remember"
After three years, who comes back to tournament me?
Knock the shoulder off McNulty
So I ups to him and he ups to me
So I goes my way and he goes the way of all flesh