Smile Shotgun

[Intro]
Shot some suckers in the face with this one
Cheer up, "Cheer up, bastard"
Yeah, yeah

[Verse 1]
Why's everybody walking round with a sad face
Turn that frown upside down man, this life's great
Everybody musta of gotta order of lemon
With brekky 'cause their faces screwed up like a sour taste (eww)
"Alright, what's going on? Fill me in, mate
Tell me what's gone wrong to leave you this way"
"Well, I gotta coffee this morning and it was lukewarm
He put too much milk in my latte" (almond latte for Tim)
"What? Really? Okay, that's your problem, man?
I thought it might've been serious", "Well, I am
Pissed off, but that's not all it was
I went to buy the new COD and they told me they were outta stock
(Pew pew pew pew) Ah, yep, cry me a river, bro
Problems, man, you've got none of those
"Well, my internet's running kinda slow
So I couldn't download the latest ep' of Game of Thrones"
"Shut up, bro"

[Chorus]
Man, I wish I had a smile shotgun
Dunno if they exist
But if they did I want one, 'cause I'm sick of this shit
Forgot how to do that thing with their cheeks and their lips
I bet a shotty to their noggin get 'em smiling a bit
I want a smile shotgun
Think I could probably make one
Can't stress enough that it's not a real gun
But it's real fun knocking on their door
Let the shotty pump, see if I can cheer 'em up, that's wassup

[Verse 2]
Oi, dude, you got nothing to complain about (nothin')
The only time your life is dark is when the lights go out (ah)
The only time your life is hard is when you're grunting
On the toilet making noises {Strains} 'cause you've left your fibre out
Of your diet, I can't wait to try it
Running around the country they'll call me the smile pirate (argh)
Long John Smiley, got em smiling at a funeral
Or pointing guns in cubicles, grinning at the urinals. (ah, that's better)
If I walked past a group of girls with their hair in curls
Saying FML while grinding paint off their cuticle's
I might be due to hurl {Retches} But I hold it in
Make 'em grin, making things right like my name is Earl (hi)
And if a mate was looking down, I'd ask him, "What's the deal?" (what's wrong?)
He'd tell me that his phone died and the pain was real (R.I.P)
I'd tell him, "Brother, don't cry and the pain will heal"
Put the shotty to his head and make him buy a happy meal

[Chorus]
Man, I wish I had a smile shotgun
Dunno if they exist
But if they did I want one, 'cause I'm sick of this shit
Forgot how to do that thing with their cheeks and their lips
I bet a shotty to their noggin get 'em smiling a bit
I want a smile shotgun
Think I could probably make one
Can't stress enough that it's not a real gun
But it's real fun knocking on their door
Let the shotty pump, see if I can cheer 'em up, that's wassup

[Bridge]
We've got you surrounded
If you are frowning
Why's everybody
Walking round like debbie downers
How bout you try this
Touch your cheeks to your eyelids
And whether or not, you wanted to do it
Guess what? I got you smiling

[Verse 3]
Yeah
I'm gonna call a manufacturer, get it happening
So I can kickstart putting smiles on the map again (everyone smile)
The fella on the phone passed me to his manager
Who said I was a dick and to never call back again
Mate, you're a dick, never call back again
Oh, man (Your call could not be connected. Please check the number and try again)
Ah, so I got my Google on, click up
I researched a few words, then a hiccup
Apparently forcing anyone to do anything
With a gun isn't really fun, it's called a stick up
Oops, I guess I didn't really realise
I just wanted everyone to smile and have and have good time
When did cheering people up become a big crime
Now police track my movements when I'm online
I'm not allowed to leave my house, I've gotta stay inside
This ankle thing seems to shock me every time I try
But that's alright, cos I keep watching people through the blinds
I even made a sign that says, I'll smile 'til the day I die

[Chorus (Extended)]
Man, I wish I had a smile shotgun
Dunno if they exist
But if they did I want one, 'cause I'm sick of this shit
Forgot how to do that thing with their cheeks and their lips
I bet a shotty to their noggin get 'em smiling a bit
I want a smile shotgun
Think I could probably make one
Can't stress enough that it's not a real gun
But it's real fun knocking on their door
Let the shotty pump, see if I can cheer 'em up, that's wassup
Man, I wish I had a smile shotgun
Dunno if they exist
But if they did I want one, 'cause I'm sick of this shit
Forgot how to do that thing with their cheeks and their lips
I bet a shotty to their noggin get 'em smiling a bit
I want a smile shotgun
Think I could probably make one
Can't stress enough that it's not a real gun
But it's real fun knocking on their door
Let the shotty pump, see if I can cheer 'em up, that's wassup