Shiver Me Timbers

Well Shiver Me Timbers
I got me pipe stuck in me eyeball
And blew out humorous bubbles from me pipe

Me pipecleaner stuck out of me pupil like Sir Lancelot
Causing me face to droop down to the floor
And read the reverse images on the newspaper

I have poured a healthy supply of tobacco and gunpowder into me deflated eye enclosure
And stuck me head into me blazin' fireplace
Causing me cranial insides to blow up
But me actual head remained intact

Smoke escaped from my eyesocket
Which by now was a hole about the size of a fist
And me head was fist-fucked by a homosexual sea captain who I previously refused to have anything to do with

He just wanted to sample me pipe tobaccy

Always was a tightwad