​SHART! (Sudden Heartache And Regretful Turmoil)

[Intro]
This is a S.H.A.R.T. story, a story of Sudden Heartache that follows A period of Regretful Turmoil. This story will develop fast before your very eyes. Let me set the scene…

[Chorus]
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
No, no, no

[Verse 1: Singing, Talking]
Part One, Sudden Heartache
It was valentines day, the time was 6:17
And I was looking forward to seeing the man of my dreams
(Oh!) A nice little red note
(Oh!) Addressed to the man I dote
At the restaurant, my fingers twirling
On the inside I was heaving and hurling
(Oh!) I had something to say to you
(Oh!) Three words, eight letters to make it true
You walk in, it’s around 6:20 P.M
I take a glance at the door, that’s when I see him
He steps to me, isn’t he charming?
His face is somber, that’s quite alarming
He sits down, and the waiter stops by
We get drinks and we talk, as the time flies
He hands me a present with a small bow, surprise!
(It was a necklace!)And it matched my eyes
He gets up to use the bathroom, when I see the prize
He left his phone behind, and the screen lights up five times
Like what the fuck?
So I snatch it up, and it’s a text from his cousin
I unlock his phone, and it’d be weird if it was his cousin
That he was BUTTFUCKING! I scroll through all their texts
How “Sweet Home Alabama,” those bitches were having sex
And he was on this date, five minutes before he came
Well, he came twice, ha-ha-ha, no seriously, twice
But it wasn’t funny then, tears welled up in my eyes
And I left then and there, plotting his demise

[Chorus]
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
No, no, no

[Verse 2: Singing, Talking]
Part Two, Regretful Turmoil
The pain was far too much to bear
I went on for hours, pretending I didn’t care
So I decided to give up trying
Cuz who was I? Emotions I was defying
The time was 12:05 on February 15th
I was in his house, his bed underneath
Three bullets in my gun, where would they go?
His head, his heart, and his real life dildo
The moment exactly was a blur
But he’s gone, his redness on his carpet furs
I spent 5 hours cleaning and scrubbing
Til he was never there, there was nothing
The body bag was heavy, I dropped it once or twice
Then I incinerated the remains, with a special device
It was done, the deed was over just like that
The murder was done at the drop of a hat
Invigorating, this man betraying me was dead
Off with his motherfucking head
But I wanted more, I wanted more
I really did murder him, but before he was burned, oh
I dismembered all his limbs, gutted him like a fish
Removed his eyeballs, I destroyed that bitch
I wanted more, I bathed in his guts
I picked out every bones, I destroyed that slut
I WANTED MORE! I chopped up his dick
I screwed up his face with a fucking waterpik
I—(It’d be best if you stop there, you’ve already incriminated yourself, Mr. Nigel.)

[Chorus]
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
(This was a story of sudden heartache)
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
(And the regretful turmoil that follows)
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
(I’ll see you bitches in jail!)
No, no, no