Sexy Time

[Verse 1: MC Hammersmith]
End of the third date, candles and red wine
Back at your apartment, and things are looking fine
Kissing on your couch, you whisper soft and sweetly
"Let's take this to the bedroom" I say "How come? Are you sleepy?"
You say you wanna do me with no promises or strings
I say "Can’t wait to kiss more and... other specific things"
Thankfully you didn't hear me as you take me to your bed
Because I've got a secret that I’m screaming in my head

[Chorus: MC Hammersmith]
I don't know what sex is
Sexing is the task
But I don't know what sex is
And I'm too afraid to ask
I regret not paying attention
Back in sex ed class
Now I don't know what sex is
And I'm too afraid to ask

[Verse 2: MC Hammersmith]
I can't find out what sеx is by Googling my computer
'Cos Mother keeps parental controls on thе router
But I know that "going down" is a phrase I’ve heard before
So to make things spicy, I push you on the floor
You stand up with laughter, assuming it’s deflection
You kiss me and you whisper "did you bring protection?"
Now protection is necessary, that's what I’ve heard said
So I reach into my bag and strap a hard hat to my head

[Chorus: MC Hammersmith]
I don't know what sex is
Sexing is the task
But I don't know what sex is
And I'm too afraid to ask
When I told the girls at school
They just pointed and they laughed
Now I don’t know what sex is
And I'm too afraid to ask

[Verse 3: MC Hammersmith]
My hard hat makes you giggle, but you change the discussion
You say "I like it hot and heavy" so I climb inside your oven
With my head between the elements you shout out "are you fine?"
I say "come here and set me to gas mark 69"
Then there's a knock at your front door, and I do not delay
I meet you in the corridor, muster courage and I say
Girl I really want to sex you, and I'm obviously a player
I know erections are involved, so I brought a quantity surveyor
"Hello, my name's Gary. Is that a supporting wall?"

[Chorus: MC Hammersmith]
I don't know what sex is
Sexing is the task
But I don't know what sex is
And I'm too afraid to ask
The dictionary said something about
Chromosomes and plants
Since I don't know what sex is
Here's some questions that I ask

[Verse 4: MC Hammersmith]
Doggy style: should I bring a dog?
Cow girl: should I bring a cow?
Missionary: should I bring a Mormon?
Herpes: what about my peas?
Anal: is pedantry sexy?
Foreplay: with only two of us?
Can deaf people have oral sex?
Surely most jobs involve your hands?
I've been wondering what sex is in my head for far too long
I snap back to reality, and I realise you're gone
I walk into the bedroom, and it hits me like a brick
You're kneeling on the mattress and riding Gary's dick

[Chorus: MC Hammersmith]
"Oh! That's what sex is!"
Now I know what sex is!
Sexing is the task
Now I know what sex is!
And there's nothing more to ask
I scream in jubilation
As you scream you like it fast
Now I know what sex is!
And there's nothing more to ask

"I'm gonna go, I'll leave you guys to it. Cheers Gary!"
"No worries mate. Is that my hard hat?"