Fully Qualified Gangsta(Album Version)

[Intro: Charles Dundas and MC Hammersmith]
Well Mr MC Hammersmith I think that brings us to the end of this job interview
But just one more question
Here on your CV under education
You've just put fully qualified gangsta
Would you care to elaborate?
Hmm, fuck yeah! I mean erm hell yeah
I mean em...here's a rap

[Verse 1: MC Hammersmith]
Fully qualified gangsta, here he comes
Undergrad in Rhyming and Masters in Guns
And a PHD in Being a Baller for Life
From the University of Fucked Your Wife
'Cos looking this good while I'm killing this rap is my gangsta religion
I'm fly, and I'm street like a pigeon
On the mic and the streets I'm bred to be deadly
The hood's in my genes like I got dressed incorrectly
Evidently better than these hip hop stars
You know I'm the GOAT 'cos this kid got baas
These rappers ain't nothing, I'm utterly bossin' this
Droppin' bangers like I'm clumsy with sausages
Massive attacker, actual fact I snap on the track and these rappers will scatter
Natural gangsta, added to that the patter and swag of an absolute shagger
I stay ready with my sexing utensil
Always got that rubber on the end like a pencil
Your girl loves my sex and how hard I hit it
Inside her for so long, my dick got a parking ticket
Ladies don't like me, wait I'm pretendin'
For me these hoes long: fire engine
I've just got so many women to do
I gave your lady fingers like tiramisu
Your girl blew me long like a didgeridoo
Stuck my head in that honey: Winnie The Pooh
In my two-door Mustang, your girl made me beg
Yeah I got laid in the coupe like an egg
And I deal marijuana I've got spliffs to sell
Weed in my pockets like I've pissed myself
I roll all of my joints with a BIC pen
Known to hit a massive bong: Big Ben
Igniting weed 'til I'm mindless(ah)
Burning joints like arthritis(ow)
Getting stoned as fuck from the hash I'm blazing
Ridiculous high like backhand waving
And I've got a really big gun in my fleece
I'm firing rounds like I'm sacking the obese
My guns fires bullets at unholy decibels
It's a beauty with the bangs: Zooey Deschanel
My automatic rifle's deafening when I fire it
Said I got that loud AR like a pirate
My guns so big you'll know you're in danger
I'm not Ginny Weasley but I'll open the chamber
Gun in each hand and my trigger finger itchy
I'm cold with these two nines: Mr Whippy
Stuff guns in my jacket 'til the buttons won't join
Coat of arms on my back like an old pound coin
So don't mess with my guns yeah, you've heard the stories
They go off suddenly like a punnet of strawberries
How am I so sick, I put in the work
Why am I the greatest, I put in the work
How do I do it, I put in the work
Why's my dick so big...genetics
Big dick nerd with a rap obsession
Got a fat erection and a stamp collection
So give me the job 'cos my shit is crazy
I'm not a midwife but I deliver, baby

[Outro: MC Hammersmith and Charles Dundas]
So when do I start?
I don't think you're suitable for a workplace environment
Understood, completely fair