Samson

[SAMSON]
Well I'm Samson, and I'm crazy
I'm Samson, and I'm crazy
I'm Samson, and I'm crazy
Now get outta my way so I can do my hair

Who's that woman drinkin' wine?
I want her, I want her

[ALEXIS]
No Samson, that's a Philistine
You can't have her, can't have her

[SAMSON]
I want that lady, she pleases me

[ALEXIS]
Then a young lion roared
(Lion attacks)
And the spirit of the Lord
Rushed into Samson
And he tore the thing to bits

[ENSEMBLE]
With his bare hands!

[ALEXIS]
Yes he tore the thing to bits

[ENSEMBLE]
With his bare hands

[ALEXIS]
Yes he tore the thing to bits

[ENSEMBLE]
With his bare hands

[ALEXIS]
And inside the carcass he found

[ALEXIS/KAZUMI]
Mm mm, honey, honey
Mm mm, honey, honey
Mm mm, honey, honey

[SAMSON]
Well I'm Samson, and I'm crazy
I'm Samson, and I'm crazy
I'm Samson, and I'm crazy
Now get outta my way so I can do my hair

[NED]
Now Samson's got a riddle
I don't get it, I don't get it

[CONRAD]
I bet his lady could sweeten him up a little

[NED]
You got it, you got it
Coax your husband and get the answer
Or we'll burn you with fire

[WIFE]
You hate me, you hate me
You will not tell me your riddle

[ALEXIS/KAZUMI]
Mm mm, honey honey

[SAMSON]
Look, I have not told my mother and father. Why should I tell you?

[WIFE]
You hate me, you hate me
Me, your tender vittle

[ENSEMBLE]
And his honey nagged and nagged and nagged and nagged...

[GEORGE]
Until crazy Samson gave in

[NED]
And on the wedding day, when the riddle was guessed
What did crazy Samson do?

[ALEXIS]
He killed thirty Philistines
And he gave his wife

[ENSEMBLE]
To his best man

[ALEXIS]
Yes he gave his wife

[ENSEMBLE]
To his best man

[ALEXIS]
Yes he gave his wife

[ENSEMBLE]
To his best man

[SAMSON]
Then I took a trip to the zoo
'Cuz I'm Samson and I'm crazy
I'm Samson and I'm crazy
I'm Samson and I'm crazy
Now get outta my way so I can do my hair

[ALEXIS]
Now Samson wants his wife back
He wants his

[ALEXIS/KAZUMI]
Honey

[NED]
But her father says

[GEORGE]
No, no, sir
You can't have her

[ALEXIS/KAZUMI]
Honey

[SAMSON]
This time when I do mischief to the Philistines, I will be without blame

[ALEXIS]
So Samson goes, catches 300 foxes
And puts a torch on each one's tail
Lets 'em go into the Philistine fields
And they light on fire!

(Fire, death destruction, chase. ANDRE and SIG from the band come and grab him.)

[ANDRE/SIG]
Samson, we are here to take you

[SAMSON]
You can bind me, but just don't hurt me

(They bind him, take him away, SAMSON escapes, finds a jawbone)

[DAN]
Oh no! He's got the jawbone of an ass!

(SAMSON kills the orchestra. GOD plays ukulele)

[SAMSON]
With the jawbone of an ass
Heaps upon heaps
With the jawbone of an ass I have slain a thousand men!

With the jawbone of an ass
Heaps upon heaps
With the jawbone of an ass I have slain a thousand men!

[SAMSON/GOD]
With the jawbone of an ass
Heaps upon heaps
With the jawbone of an ass I have slain a thousand men!

[SAMSON]
'Cuz I'm Samson, and I'm crazy
I'm Samson, and I'm crazy
I'm Samson, and I'm crazy
Now get outta my way so I can do my hair

[NED]
If we only knew his weakness
We could tie him up and dance

[GEORGE]
Where's that whore he loves, Delilah
She can find the answer in his pants

[DELILAH]
You hate me, you hate me
You will not tell me what makes you strong

[ALEXIS/KAZUMI]
Mm mm, honey honey

[SAMSON]
Oh God...

[DELILAH]
You hate me, you hate me
I who have never done you wrong

[SAMSON]
Ok, if you use seven bowstrings, that'll bind me

[DELILAH]
You mock me, you mock me
Me, so young and fair

[SAMSON]
Please stop nagging me. You are tiring me to death

[DELILAH]
You hate me, you hate me, you hate me, you hate me

[SAMSON]
All right! It's my hair!

[ENSEMBLE]
He's Samson, and he's crazy
He's Samson, and he's crazy
He's Samson, and he's crazy
Now get outta our way so we can cut his hair

(Violence, hair cutting, eyes gouged out, gruesome)

[NED]
So they locked him up
And they made him and slave
Yes, they made him dance and sing
But over the years
His hair grew back
And I guess the Philistines forgot or something... I mean why didn't they just keep cutting his hair?

[ALEXIS]
Anyway
One day several years later
They called Samson in to dance
In a house full of three thousand men
And Samson said

[SAMSON]
Place my hands on the pillars upon which the house rests, so that I may lean against them

[GEORGE]
And he grabbed them pillars
And called on the Lord

[SAMSON]
Let me die with the Philistines!

[ENSEMBLE]
And the house came crashing down!

(Crash! Mayhem, death)