Rainy Day

I woke up this morning and realized
There is no job that I'd ever want
To spend my whole life doing
(Because I don't have the patience)

I've been thinking as I age
No gray only twenty three years old
But already I've become someone
I once told myself I would never be

Not that being me is such a bad thing it just sucks
To go from aw, shucks to sho nuff then find out
That rhyming as I know it isn't what it's all about
I can't finish anything I start

I break hearts and grow flowers on the window sill
Still I feel like there's nothing lifelike in these hands
Now I have to lie crying foul, someone breathed too loud
I get another try, can I buy a vowel?

Oh my God, I'm sick of sob stories
Everybody envies any life but their own
Nobody thinks to stop moping
And get open spend some time alone

I gotta read a book, I need to wear more sweaters
I'm glad I cut my hair, I'm glad I stopped wearing underwear
I'm better off, each day less sun shines through my curtain
I'm certain it shouldn't hurt to get up but it does

I love the buzz, I get forgetting every day I've wasted
I remember kissing but can't remember how kissing tasted
I've faced my fears with beers and got wasted
So I suckle on the forty bottle, my brain throttled

It buckled under the weight of my slumber state
I'm way too involved to appreciate, I'm too evolved to deviate
All alone in my room the booze I reek of
I'm asleep at the wheel with no windshield to speak of

And it's just another rainy day
Can't see the rainbow, there's too much gray
Gotta wash this sad face away

On a cold muggy Monday in a dark part of town
I used my body as a host for those just floating around
I heard the chant of the chiccadas
And was haunted by the cadence of their stated sound verbatim

I was vaporized like skies full of napalm calm
Raining down like an a-bomb
And here I am just trying to stay strong

In the honey-hopping, flower pot to pot
I pan block to block, all I see is spots to shop
And lots of cheap spots to sleep and flowerpots
And coffee grinds empty mugs and lemon rinds

I jitterbug but cut a better rug after a bitter mug of all black coffee
Softly I walk into the next room and think
Soon it will be me standing there awfully scared to commit
But shit I don't want to lose
Or have to choose between using my music

And being used to suit dudes
And now I'm feeling I can't do shit
I struggle to remain sober rain jump over mud puddles
I'm passively subtle, act all shy and can't raise my voice
Though I made my choice

I, so surprised at how this solemn vow I took to self
To go for delf soured in my dour smile, checked my style
And with soiled shoes decided I would stay a while

I parked my car but made to leave
Wanting to say what I wore on my sleeve
Wanting to stay but I couldn't breathe
Or read the signs or redefine reasoning

Even though I can't control my own breathing
Looking out my window clouds settle low and misty
Watching tracks of tears rolling down my cheek rather swiftly
Sitting on my bed waiting for the sun to lift me

And it's just another rainy day
Can't see the rainbow, there's too much gray
Gotta wash this sad face away