Raidshadolovania

-Sans-
You're not my usual kid, you know
Wanna have a bad time, then let's go
Before we start I've got to let
You in on a little secret

You can't put an ad at the beginning
I'm a gambling app, there is no winning
So I'd just like to take a second

-Alex-
To talk about RAID SHADOW LEGENDS!

About mobile games forget everything you know
We're talking raids of the shadow
It's the latest app craze, brand new
But we've got nothing of value

With Console Graphics Quality
If by console you mean Nintendo Wii
An epic quest, adventure everywhere
An epic story that just isn't there!

Fascinating Gameplay? Hell
Hit one button and it plays itself!
Tap and watch these figures do things
Basic turn-based RPG!

Hope you like these fourteen Ads
Grabbing your wallet by the gonads
We may say that it's a deal
But you basically get nothing!

On the Google Play Store we're the best, baby!
We're overrun with 5-star reviews as far as the eye can see!
Most of them written by bots, allegedly!
(You can't sue me if I say allegedly)

We proclaim that we don't sponsor YouTubers
Despite the overabundance of ads saying otherwise
We committed fraud under the FTC!
Misrepresenting our company!

+Talking+
Come join our guild and hang out!
No YouTuber who makes a guild will stay there
And they sign contracts saying that they can't disparage us!

Join up with this link now and get 50,000 Free Silver!
Otherwise known as-
Less than one dollar

+Singing+
New content every month to keep you playing!
Bigger numbers to please the monkey brain!
Forcing you to pay so our game you can handle
What can we say? Our game's basically a gamble

And you're never gonna beat the odds
Hope you like paying hundreds of dollars in shards!

+Talking+
And we're taking advantage of the fact...
That some countries don't think Gacha is a gamble and that the getting is good!
Get that cheap money from suckers, baby!

+Singing again+
We're everywhere, you can't stop the ads!
Sponsored by every YouTuber and their dad!
If you think they like it, you're insane
Not even WE want to play our game!

So go ahead, ruin your credit score!
It's like a drug, you'll come back for more!
We make two hundred dollars a second!
Is it a scam?
Well it's RAID SHADOW LEGENDS!

Download the greatest mobile game of all time! [x2]
Even though it can barely be considered a video game!

You want to gamble your life away?
Play Raid Shadow Legends today!
When YouTube means that you could get demonetized
Anyone could shill out for this prize

Luring in wallets with shiny attractions
Until they find we're just Microtransactions
But I'll like to thank this video's patron
And take a bit to talk about BLUE APRO-
[cut off]