Rage Turned Inward

[Verse 1: Dirty Pharms]
Rage turned inward
Chatting up this bitch on tinder
I'll give her a stinky finger
Then feel bitter when the feeling of her touch lingers
A few years ago I was much thinner
'coz I cut dinner
I used to fuck mad sluts without crying
Now I get triggered
Cry you a river call it styx
I'm in hell 'coz I'm a sinner
I made decisions I wish I could reconsider
Gotta live with all the guilt and self hatred
I'm painted as a villain but its highly debated
I was devastated when my ex and I seperated
All because I like being humiliated
Self-punishment and flagellation like the middle ages
Then my body get tainted for sexual gratification
Self medicatin' getting faded until I'm debilitated
I'm so fucking stupid, see her getting zooted
Waiting for my execution
My mind was polluted at a young age by people who were ruthless
Sit here like a doofus, mad secluded, fucking useless
I don't do shit
Nobody listens to my music
My ideas are ludicrous and convoluted
I live in a fantasy world like C.S lewis but still I do it
Too depressed to flex I don't feel impressive
I'm highly detested, people want to see me arrested
Theres a meth-head to my madness
I feel sad and restless
I pace around my room it feels endless
I got a death wish
I was defenceless when I was molested
I use that to justify acting selfish
I don't got to justify shit because justice is for dumb bitches
I'm quick to lick a dirty pussy till my tongue itches
And then I come in it
I lose all competitions, no ambition
I don't care to win or even finish
I crave derision
So self defeating
Had to take beatings when I was young and now I plunder when I'm cheated
But the rush is fleeting, I get a guilty feeling from the creeping
I shouldn't be deceiving or mistreating my street thing
Many parallels between us and Lea & Kells
I know It's only a matter of time before she rebels
[?]
[sigh] Soon I'll sit in a cell
I wish I could expel all this rage
The boiling heat comes in waves
All these revenge fantasies keep me high in the trees like a canopy
Trynna' supress the agony but people want to rattle me
The veracity of my sexuality leaves me panicking
I just sit here anxiously waiting for karma to clap back at me
I know she's really mad at me
I know she's really mad at me