Rabbi Berner Finally Reveals His True Religious Agenda

Ever since I have developed my
Cult Following
Everybody's wanting to know
What I'm gonna do with my
Cult following
Where'm I gonna take it to go?
I've been waiting, and waiting
With a kind of spiritual constipation
I couldn't let it go somehow
But now the zeitgeist has shifted
Objections have been lifted
I'm feeling that the time is...
[there is a long awkward pause]
Now

Are you ready? Yes we're ready!
To hear all about it
What g-d and I want you to know
Are you ready? Yes we're ready!
I really kind of doubt it
But I'm gonna have to let it go

The bible is a mirror
And g-d is on the other side
So everything it tells you
Is the opposite of what
He really wants you to decide
It's a test, it's a test, it's a spiritual test
And the truth is only for the brave

Now you've finally got a proper
Explanation
For all the crazy shit inside
From genocide to revelation
The logic can't be denied
PILLARS OF FIRE! Pillars of salt
Are the pillars on which rest my case
Did you really think a perfect g-d
Wants you to burn a goat?
Or nail the messiah in place
Are you ready? Yes we're ready!
To do what it will take
What g-d and I want you to do
Are you ready? Yes we're ready!
Every rule you've got to break
To finally make us proud of you?

[Chorus]
Like a fossil, It's a test of faith

With all those rules and laws
It's enough to make you dizzy
All the shit that you've got to do
And in your modern lives
I know you're very busy
So I've got a small proposal for you:
For a modest contribution
I'll save you the hassle
Of pleasing g-d all on your own
But I'll need liquor, women, shellfish
And probably a castle
Cause I don't want to do it wrong

[Verse]
I'm ready, I'm ready!
To get right down to working
Working just as hard as can be
I'm ready, I'm ready
I know you were tired of searching
So you just make that cheque out to me

[Chorus]
It's a test, it's a test, it's a spiritual test
And if you pass it
It's gonna save you from the grave!

[Chorus]
It's a test, it's a test, it's a spiritual test
And if you pass it
It's gonna save you from the grave!