Preacher and the Bear

Huh, oh Lord, if you can't help me
For goodness sake, don't help that big fuzzy one, heh-heh-heh

The preacher went out a-walkin', was on Sunday morn
Was against his religion, but he took his gun along
Shot himself some mighty fine quail and one little measly hare
But on his way returnin' home, he met a great big grizzly bear

Well, the bear got down in the middle of the road
On all fours, like a great big toad
He looked that preacher right square in the eye
The preacher looked at him and he said, "Bye-bye"
Started down the road, he took out to run
The bear right after that preacher did come
He run and he run for about a mile
Then they both sat down and they rested a while
Preacher got up, started again
The bear started out with more vim
Then they ran and they ran 'til he spotted a tree
Said, "Up on the limb is the place for me"
Bear got close, made a grab at him-a
Preacher leaped up and he made the limb
Pulled himself up and he turned about
Cast his eyes to the sky and he did shout

Oh Lord, you delivered Daniel from the lion den
Also delivered Jonah from the belly of the whale and then, now
The Hebrew children from the fiery furnace
So the good book do declare
Oh Lord, if you can't help me
For goodness sake, don't help that bear

Well, about then, the limb let go
The preacher came tumblin' down
Reached in his pocket, pulled his razor out
Just before he hit the ground
Hit the ground with an awful bang
It was a terrible sight
The preacher and the bear with a razor in his hair
Just a-cuttin' left and right

They rolled around on the ground
The preacher was up and then he was down
The bear let out an awful moan
Looked like the preacher was a-holdin' his own
Man, if I get outta here alive
By the good book, I will abide
I'll never sin on Sabbath day
Sunday come, I'll pray and pray
To the heavens, he did glance
Said, "Lord, just give me one more chance"
Then his suspenders gave away
He knocked that bear ten feet away
The preacher got up, made a bound
To the tree where he'd be safe and sound
Pulled himself up, turned about
Cast his eyes to the sky and he did shout

Oh Lord, you delivered Daniel from the lion den
Also delivered Jonah from the belly of the whale and then, yeah
The Hebrew children from the fiery furnace
So the good book do declare
Oh Lord, if you can't help me
For goodness sake, don't help that bear
Ha