Post Office Blues

I sell propane and propane accessories

(Bad,)
Bad to the bone
B-b-bad
Bad to the bone

(My momma went to the post office
She said they got no post offices
We’re in a- we’re in a government controlled
Post office state
But offices are actually everywhere)
They cost me 50 cents for 50 stamps
But they ain’t got no stamps
I said, stamp, this

He’s b-b-bad
Bad to the bone
(Oh no)

(What your story now mister?)

They call me gay
All I do is make gay jokes

(And now what’s your story mister?)

I, invented the post office
The building that I made
Was entered by Jakeb’s mother
His mother did not come back
This post office
Was the best post office on this side
Of his mother

(And now lets a full circle, what your other story mister?)

So I was like uh, I drove, on the highway
Eh, as I was driving, uh, I hit a dog
So I pulled over
I picked up that dog
I put it in the envelope
And sent his ass to the post office
I mailed that dog
I mailed that fucking mop
Yeah, yeah
Mosh, mosh

Now I got that envelope
And when I opened it up
My dog Skimpy was in there
That was fucked up
So I put it back in the envelope
And I sent to a mister Tyler Brady

Well one day
I was playing Overwatch
I heard a knock on the door
There’s a package outside
Well lucky ol’ me
I got a package from the mail
I open it up
And there’s a dead dog inside
A dead dog inside

So he got mad about that
And put the dog back inside
And sent it
Back to Jakeb Kilgore

I heard a knock on the door
I opened the door
I looked down from the door
I moved out from the door
D-d-d-d-d-door
D-door
What is this I see uwu
Why a package of course
I open the package
‘Oly shit it’s that dog I ran over
Uh, you own me money
For the repairs of the car
I’m taking your ass to court dog
I’m hiring Phillip, as my lawyer
You’re gonna pay for the damages
That you did when you ran on the road stupid dog
D-d-d-d-d-dog

Well I was siting in my office one day
When a young gentleman came in
He said to me
He’s got a dog in his pocket
So I little dog did I spy
Though no tail did it wag
It smelled like death
And so did his breath
(Oh, shit)
This man
This man
He wanted to sue
I asked who did he want to sue
He said the world
So I helped him on his goal
To sue the world
He’s wants to litigate
The entire United States government
To owe them all his life
They all will come to court
And he will win
He will win who is the judge
The, the judge
Tyler Brady

Now I don’t know what doing here
I had no involvement with this dog
Why am I in court?

What would you like for yourself dog-sender?

I was just playing Overwatch

So called him to the stand

I’m innocent I say
I killed no dog I did

I say he’s a guilty man

Well I say
You know what I say
I hate you

This I had never expected on this fateful day I learned that Tyler John Brady
Hated me

I ended up-

I got called up into court as well
I might becau- be because I sent a dead dog
But as I was talking about the dead dog
I saw a drummer in the corner
And I was very curious
If he could sing and play drums at the same time
To the beat of this song

I-I don’t know

And, we found out he can’t

But really
Who’s the guiltiest one of all
The damn man who hit the dog
Kilgore hit my Skimpy
Why, did you hit Skimpy
Please tell me why
That you hit my damn Skimpy

Order, order, order in the court here
I’m the Tolkien Southern judge of this trial here
And by conjuring on the evidence and the jurors
And confessions
I hereby
I hereby sentence
Big Gore
For retardation
Of killing that poor dog
And dragging him
To the post office

Now hold up a second
Now, now, now
We got a old Whiplash over here

Now I don’t care if this boy’s retarded
Who the fuck would give him a car
Well lucky it was just poor ol’ Skimpy
Before I start getting a little lippy

You’re dead
You will live in prison for the rest of your life
For a hit and run
The end

(Let’s just make this into a web-comic)
(Ok)