Possible Side Effects

Whenever I hear a news report of an avalanche involving British skiers
I listen in with interest in the hope that I might catch the name Ben Shephard

Little wonder that we parted
I’m always otherwise engaged
So many waters still uncharted
So much guilt to be assuaged

If I were a carpenter
I’d doubtless have a hammer
And I’d hammer in the morning
On the door of Alan Sugar

Alright mate, I’m just working on the property opposite, and I noticed you have a couple of slates that – oh, it’s you! Any road, I’ve got some tiles in the van if you want me to get up there. I’ve got a load of kiln-dried logs too if you’re interested. I’m thinking of sponsoring a gorilla at Bristol Zoo, what d’ya reckon? Do you need any face-cloths?

So you went and changed your name
Honeymooned beside Lake Placid
And to my eternal shame
I went to Legoland on acid

Over my right eye there was a Kraft cheese slice, over my left eye there was no Kraft cheese slice. Scrawled across my chest was the name of a band I’d joined, called Private Sponge and The Others. And I was clambering over things, and crashing into things, before finally coming to an end amongst a jumble of bricks, which had, up until my intervention, represented the keep at Windsor Castle

I still love you, Lucy Anne
And I’m not a rock
Nor am I an island
Try to picture, if you can
Robert Hoffmann
Scanning the horizon