Pop Goes the Weasel

Time now, boys and girls, to go to Mr. Rogers' neighborhood.

(as Mr. Rogers, sing-song) It's a beautiful day in my neighborhood. (as Mr. Rogers, normal) Oh, damn, someone stole my sneakers. Let's do some wonderful things today, boys and girls. But first, do you mind if I take some more medication? It makes the day go a little bit slower. There we go. Now, we're gonna do some interesting experiments that you can do around the house. Let's put Mr. Hamster in the microwave, okay? He knows where he's going. (mimics beep) (as Mr. Rogers, sing-song) Pop goes the weasel. (as Mr. Rogers, normal) That's severe radiation. Can you say "severe radiation?" Look, you've got a little balloon now. I know many of you say, "Why did you do that?" Because it's real sick. But I have to do that, because you realize, boys and girls, that the universe is entropy. And can you say "entropy?" Nice try. We've got to change it now.

(as Tommy) Rogers, get off the air!

(as Mr. Rogers, sing-song) They've got to know, Tommy. I've got to do something meaningful while I've been trapped in this job for over 13 years. Oh, look, Mr. Postman's here. Let's see what he brought for me today. It's my package from Fredericks. Yesterday, he brought my package from Colombia. Sometimes that's the only way I can tolerate you little shits. We have a special treat today. You remember yesterday we talked to Frank Zappa? Well, today we're gonna talk to Mr. William F. Buckley, and he's going to read some fairy tales to us. Don't you go away. He's right here with us right now.

(as William F. Buckley) Uh, thank you very much. Today, we're going to examine the political/social ramifications of 'Goldilocks and Three Bears.' Now, first—first of all, let's examine her name: Goldilocks. First of all, "Goldie," the Aryan stereotype, combined with "Lox," the Jewish soul food. Obviously, that combines to make a sort of bourgeoisie archetype. She is in confrontation versus the three bears. They're not dark bears; they're not brown bears. Let's just call them third world bears. And, uh, in this case, I'm using Goldilocks, an example of imperialism expanding outwards towards the minor race. Countries are the third world countries, in the case of the three bears. Now, first of all, the three bears are out, possibly expanding an expansionist policy on their own. And Goldilocks, as the Imperialist, comes in. To, once again, she finds some food on the table. One is too hot. Let's say this is Marxism. Possibly granola? We don't know. One is too cold. Let's say—this is a hard call—capitalism. Cold cash? I just use it as an analogy. And she chooses the medium. Once again, the bourgeoisie attitude, choosing that which is just right. As Karl Marx said, (gibberish German) I won't translate for you. One day, you'll understand. She sits down. Chair is too hard. Possibly this is sexual ramifications? I don't know. One chair is too soft, possibly womb-like. She doesn't want to return back to the womb. Then she chooses—she chooses once again, the medium way, and the chair breaks, obviously showing a certain flaw in her logic. Finally, she goes to the bed. Once again, many of you right now are titillating at that. But now, we get to the best part: where she falls asleep. She goes to the bed. On-Once again, one is too hard. We've seen this before. One is too soft. Once again, she pursues the medium… falls asleep. Now, into this, the—the bears were turning to their homeland, find her there asleep. Why they don't eat her, I don't know. Tune in tomorrow and see when we examine the political, social and geometric possibilities of 'Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.'