Playbill (feat. Billy Porter)

I flashed the playbill from that Sondheim show
Still too present in my mind
You asked if i'd just seen that Sondheim show
And didn't i love it
And isn't it encouraging
That love can be blind

I laughed and said, one hates that leading character
In proportion to how desperately they've shown their own need
I said, I really loathed that character
And you graciously agreed

You know
I don't do this
Sitting in bars
It must show as I stumble through this
Baring my past
And cataloging scars
Opening to you
Not something that i normally would do

Sure, the alcohol and smokescreen make it easier
Drink by drink
Flirt by flirt
Vertical mile by mile
Climbing through the rocks and the dirt
To the top of a hope
And the brink of a hurt
But I'm hеartened by your smile

Or is it just thе smile
You bestow on anyone
Who reflects you, golden, in his eyes
Was a hint of promise in that smile?
Or simply common courtesy?
Platonic curiosity?
All that there will ever be
Were you really seeing me
Possibly admiring my style?
Feeling some connection?
Or were you merely mesmerized
By your own adorable
Adored reflection?

You're too young
I'm too old
Who knows, maybe i'm not
You're too beautiful
I'm too plain
It's impossible
It's a joke
But somehow, while we spoke
I forgot

Did I say the right thing
Was I clever
Was I crude
Should I have stuck with the disinterested, polite thing?
Was i forward to the point of being rude?
When I suddenly grew shy
Did my charm trickle dry
Or did you find my shyness
Charming?
When i handed you my card
Was it alarming?
Or delightfully disarming?
I can't guess
When I bolted for the door
Did I leave you wanting more?
Or wishing I'd monopolized you less?
I stayed as long as I could
Stall

And now I'm home again
Already trying far too hard
Not to wait for you to find my card
And
Call