On My Bedside Table

On my bedside table is a note
From Stephen Sondheim
And a pair of wire glasses
And the lyric to a new song
Which I'll never play for you
Because it's far too sentimental
And I don't want you to think I care
Enough to write a mushy love song
Now that you and I are really through

Oh by the way two bills are also there
One for the cable which has really kept me sane
Throughout our breakup
Damn I swore I wouldn't dwell upon our breakup
Well, the other is my visa bill
A little heaviеr with all the junk I bought to kill the pain
To fill the spacе until I face the fact
That you and I are definitely through

There's my talking clock that's set
To get me off to work the new job
You don't know I got
It's not impressive
It won't make you think I'm doing well without you
Actually, I'm not so hot
I can barely hack it
And there are those earplugs I still wear
To help sleep tightly through the nightly New York racket

Did you find one recently?
Did it make you think of me?
And cry so hard you couldn't see
I hope so!
Oh, but it really shouldn't matter
I also fondly hope you're growing fatter

There's a lamp that never makes me think of you
We didn't shop for it together
And you never put the lampshade on your head
It's by the bed so I can see
To fill my journal with the three zillion reasons why we're better off apart

Or rather why I'm better off without you
You, of course, have lost the greatest catch you'll ever have
And you will realize how much you care
And languish in complete despair
Until your dying day
Which won't be soon because you're so damn healthy
With your veggie diet
And your yoga which I tried that time
I had that awful cold
It nearly killed me
But I did it to impress you
Since I never did believe that you could love me just for me

On my bedside table
There are three stones which I'm told
Have healing energy
They say you have to touch them all the time
Or they'll disintegrate
I feel like I'll disintegrate
If someone doesn't touch me soon
But there were years before I met you

And I have my note from Sondheim
And my cable and my visa
And my talking clock and earplugs
And my healing stones and journal
To unwind me and remind me
That I always have myself
And I always have the lyric to a new song
And a lamp that never makes me think of you
You, you, you