Planning My Death

I'm bad at making mistakes though I still make a lot of mistakes
But I internalize the problems five times over
Until I can't seem to speak
No goodbyes, I'll flee the scene
Start my perfect life as an imperfect loner

I've been planning my death 'cause I wanna have a really good death
I want heroism, mystery and courage
Does anybody think about these things?
'Cause every time I lay down recently
I've been overcome by nightmares filled with stabbings, guns and flames

I'm disappearing, no one's saving me
I'm running to the undertow 'cause it's inviting
Not responding
I'm in hiding, fighting off myself

So "Kill Me Sarah," I get stressed out too
I'm teeming with the regrets of constantly clinging to
The lonely, depressing
The lonely, depressing
The lonely, depressing
The lonely, depressing

I'm rebuilding myself
Oh, I gotta have a way better self
I'm starting by having conversations sober
But even with the things I try to change, the only thing I want will stay the same
For someone to miss me when my life is over