Pirelli’s Miracle Elixir

[Instrumental break]

[TOBY]
Ladies and gentlemen!
May I have your attention, please!
Do you wake every morning in shame and despair
To discover your pillow is covered with hair
Or ought not to be there?
Well, ladies and gentlemen
From now on you can waken at ease!
You need never again have a worry or care
I will show you a miracle, marvelous, rare
Gentleman, you are about to see something
Wot rose from the dead!
On the top of my head

[TOBY & ENSEMBLE]
T'was Pirelli's
Miracle Elixir
That's what did the trick, sir
True, sir, true
Was it quick sir?
Did it in a tick, sir
Just like an elixir
Ought to do!

[TOBY]
How about a bottle mister?
Only costs a penny guaranteed
Does Pirelli's
Stimulate the growth, sir?
You can have my oath, sir
'Tis unique
Rub a minute
Stimulatin', i'nt?
Soon you'll have to thin it
Once a week!

[TODD]
Pardon me ma'm what's that awful stench?

[MRS. LOVETT]
Are we standing near an open trench?

[MRS. LOVETT (said with Sweeney)]
Pardon me sir what's that awful stench?

[TODD (said with Lovett)]
Must be standing near an open trench

[TOBY]
Buy Pirelli's
Miracle Elixir
Anything more slick, sir, soon sprouts curls
Try Pirelli's
When they see how thick, sir
You can have your pick, sir
Of the girls!
Wanna buy a bottle misses?

[TODD]
What is this?

[MRS. LOVETT]
What is this?

[TODD]
Smells like piss

[MRS. LOVETT]
Smells like, ew!

[TODD (said with Lovett)]
What is this? This is piss. piss with ink

[MRS. LOVETT (said with Sweeney)]
I wouldn't touch it if i was you, dear

[TOBY]
Let pirelli's activate your roots, sir

[TODD]
Keep it off your boots, sir, eats right through

[TOBY]
Yes get pirelli's use a bottle of it
Ladies seem to love it

[MRS. LOVETT]
Flies do too