Pimpin’ Sam

While sitting and thinking in deep meditation, shucking and jiving, dough popping, lollygagging, eating chitlins stew.
I'm reminded of a girl I once knew.
She wasn't no bathing beauty, she didn't have long black hair.
But she was a stone good mud kicker and her mug was fair, baby.
I pimped this little chick and moved out west and settled down out there.
When I first met her, baby, I thought she was a little girl just out of school.
But if you listen close, I'll tell you how bad I was fooled.
While playing small towns back east my bank roll got low.
She said, "Look here, Pretty Papa, you can't jive me."
She said, "I've forgotten more than you will ever know."
Said, "I'm Wicked Nell the Coast Guard Heart from burning hell.
When you first met me you tried to fill me full of bull.
But you can't look up a mare mule's ass and tell how big a load she can pull."
Said, "Baby, I'm going to tell you what, I beat chumps for the money and the clothes, too.
I would have beat them for the tobacco but all fools don't chew."
Said, "I've been from New York to the Frisco Bay.
I've fucked all pimps like you with the game you trying to play."
Said, "But you're a good looking kid and you look all right in your clothes.
But, baby, you better corner on you a mule because you ain't shit trying to pimp hoes."
This made Pimpin' Sam mad. He said, "Shut up! Shut up, bitch! Don't you say another motherfucking word.
If you do, I'll put my foot in your ass about something I heard.
Now you run around here with your nose all snotty. If you don't know what the game is all about you better ask somebody.
Now your tits is hanging down like a shit house bucket. And your pussy's so funky a dog wouldn't even suck it."
Pimpin' Sam looked at her and said, "Bitch, get up. Get up quick.
There's a tick. Catch it. Catch it quick.
And you better catch it if you got to suck his motherfucking dick."
She said "Look here, Daddy. I ain't got on no clothes." He said,
"Catch it out the window, bitch. You ain't going out the door."
Then he looked at her, and said, "So you that little girl they call Wicked Nell, the Coast Guard Heart from burning hell.
Bitch, I'll jump up in your pussy like it's a storm.
Because I'm that notorious hustler called Pimpin' Sam."
Said, "I've been from the Golden Gates of California to the shores of Maine.
I know all the hoes and the bulldikers and cocksuckers by their natural name.
I've been from New York City to Eagle Pass,
playing society hoes and kicking your kind of bitches in they no good ass."
"Now you all right down home with the few nickels you knock.
But bitch, out here, you are squarer than a block.
See you a good little crib girl with all right looks.
But to a pimp like me, you ain't even in the books.
So you going to try to play the game and have success."
Said, "You better ask me about it God damn bulldiking Bess."
Said, "To tell you the truth, bitch, you should be back on the farm singing to your Uncle Ned.
Because the only way you can make a pimp like me a dime is to go out with your motherfucking head."
Said, "And furthermore, I'll tell you something hoes do for me every day you could never do.
That's fuck me, suck me, and give me that money, too."
Said, "I got eight or ten hoes standing in line, and ain't a day pass I don't kick four or five of them in their motherfucking ass."
Said, "First thing out"- Said, "And I'll pull a bitch like you out of bed at half past four and
make her jump in Lake Michigan if it's 90 below."
Said, "And you better not shiver when you come to show
because if you do, I'll make you jump over there and swim some cock sucking more.
Said, "Now the pistol's on the dresser, and the razor's in the drawer.
And if you think about any one of them, I'll break your motherfucking jaw.
And bitch, don't you roll your eyes and give me no sass
because I'll make these brand new Stetsons sing a song in your ass.
Said, "Now if you ever think about going back home to [?],
I want you to tell everybody that you met Pimpin' Sam a bad, bad son of a bitch."