Our Lies

Actually, I was never conceived
And I don't expect to be believed
But I've found my mouth stitched shut with glossy pink thread
And when I think of the lie filled love-life that I've led....
I row boats all day with Karl, Vlad, and E. Leon
My tongue made of ivory, my teeth are all gone
The bones in my face they weren't here all along
I'm straight and I love your coffee cake!
I found a lost puppy and I took him home
Since then he's agreed to leave me alone
For over a month 'cause I'm spelling bee queen
Let me tell you more, you'll see what I mean
I took a sealion by the waist and I twisted it
Then I kiss-ed it. It was mossy and chaste
That is funny, isn't it?
Not to tell you would be such a waste
Can't you see me?
I am your long lost best friend
Please believe me
All these things have happened
I went for a ride on the carousel
I was on a yellow horse, right behind the swan
In the swan, a man and a woman they were doing it
I didn't want to look. I wished I'd brought a book
I looked down at the chip in my horse's red mane
He had a high, soft, beautiful voice
I got down and ran around, and then I asked him his name
He said out loud, he said it was "First Choice"
Yes Mom, I'm still a virgin
And you are Marilyn Monroe
When I was a little girl, we grew wings and flew under the sea
To see my daddy, Mr. Edgar Allen Poe
Oh, I would crawl into the furnace to take a warm nap
On the cast-iron lap of Walt Disney
Then we'd go out for a swim in the Sea of Mercury
I never thanked him for what he did for me
Can't you see me?
I am your long lost best friend
Please believe me
All these things have happened