Open Heart Surgery

I never thought
No I can't start this off that way
I'm pretty sure there was enough things in my life to instigate
The massive amounts of porn
Or the defeatist attitude
Locking myself in my room
Begging for solitude

It all started when I promised you that I'd follow you
No matter where you went
Even if the grave was called pew dwellers
To ascend through the sky to rendezvous with the most high
Back then we were madly intertwined
Ready to jump ship
With our fingers locked and glide over ocean surfaces
I've been pretty determined to find out what my purpose is
In this life
And I found nothing but you I guess
I mean, that sounds sorta psychopathic in a way
To be so insane as to rely on an imperfect being to hold all of your weight
In exchange for a lifetime of protection and separation from pains
Which in order to grow you have to step on that rusty nail
And keep your fucking mouth shut long enough to listen to others words
Being genuinely honest I haven't learned much since I'm a know-it-all
With my little bit of experience I feel like I could pass off as a genius
And sometimes even scoff at the heavier burdened lives of others
And as a result I got closer to you
Hoping that you could say what god previously failed to
I had a problem telling the truth

Expose me enough to the wind
And it's cold cuts only feed my hunger temporally
Verily verily well I could somehow trans-morph into an intellectual idiot
And avoid being an insecure xenolalia speaking cynic
Which is a deeper way of saying you're what I live for
But all good things come to an untimely end

And this is starting to go extremely sour within the past hour
The look in your eyes scream distance and rejection
This isn't the first time we've physically attacked each other
And god knows if this will escalate into a fist fight
And god knows who you were with the other night
And god knows that this is the densest gap filled with mulch
To make this shitty tree look pretty even though it's dying
These asteroid belts on the verge of colliding
Telling the story of a god complex worth hiding
So it went from the best thing in the world
To you understanding
To me wanting to squeeze your breath out with my very hands

Blaming you has become my favorite pastime
Blaming you is my favorite pastime
And it's sad because I guess it isn't really blaming anymore
Since I made the first step
I wasn't angry I just wasn't ready to be dead yet
Or maybe I was using you to take that last notion
To land my brains on the walls of the castle we built
Honestly I thought we would become closer after you got colder since
The warm was what you were using to combat me with

But your beautiful tan skin is starting to grow pale
And my only wish is to meet you there
So maybe then we can close that long drawn distance
And maybe avoid the pain of being in a separated existence
And maybe this time around we'll appreciate what it is to listen
And maybe save each-others minds
One impulse at a time

Because intellect killed us all