Only A Friendly

There was all the old chaps up the back where they always sit
Their heads went down as the brand new signing slipped again
He’d been jogging to & fro to virtually no acclaim
Making little impression on a highly forgettable game
Under antediluvian floodlights both teams looks the same
But it was only a friendly

As the full back brought the visiting striker down
They said they heard the crunch from the dump at the edge of town
We all heard the words as they fell on stony ground
It’s only a friendly

They were fishing for pike on the telly in the club house bar
When young Luke came in he’d just written off his uncle’s car again
Now Luke is a lad with a gift for devastation
This time the young brave had crossed the central reservation
Sure enough the police came in looking for information
But it was only a friendly

‘Cos we were on our best behaviour we were queuing up to be polite
As we all stood and we swore Luke had been at the match with us all night
We walked them out to their car and we wished them both goodnight
It was only a friendly

They had just scored again when she said ÒI ain’t a bleedin’ pikey
Thought I have demeaned myself a time or twoÓ
She had a laugh like a bowling ball
As she slid down the gentleman’s toilet wall
It wasn’t exactly a fall but that was definitely all for tonight
It was only a friendly

Young Luke had meant to play the gent as went to try and catch her but he missed
She said “you’re gonna need to be quicker than that if you want to get kissed”
He said “I don’t care, you’re still on my to do list”

Then the tannoy voice said something about man of the match
I think it was their slippery little substitute absolutely no one could catch
Then all around the ground the final whistle blew
Somebody shouted something we already knew
“Oi referee
It’s no always all about you!””
It was one of the old chaps up the back where they always sit