One Last Round

[Verse 1]
I wake up early and clench, thin and drab
While the shackles on my ankles slice skin and scab
I get up they drag through the halls of my pad
And the comfort of the nights dream dissolves and its sad

I walk and face the cabinet in the bathroom and stand
With the bottle of my favorite painkillers in my hand
I tip it and scatter a couple thousand milligrams
And I toss it with my head spinning like a ceiling fan

I glance to my reflection, but it's too dark to perceive
And luckily, 'cause if I could I'd start to vomit and heave
So people call it esteem, for which myself I do lack
A lack that manifests with every second sheltered crude act

I can't control it at all, it gets progressively worse
My stomach wrenching lust for which I excessively thirst
It's like a monster that lurks behind the moss in the trees
That gets me cornered every eve as I drop to my knees
And scream

[Chorus]
"Help me God. I'm a wounded soldier
In a canyon I now lie
I fell behind and now an old black compass
With the needle gone and my nine is all I can find
I know it’s wrong, but my legs are gone
And I know it won’t be long till I'm found
And then they’ll torture me and I just can’t let that be
So with this gun, I think I’ll go one last round..."

[Verse 2]
I'm about ready to give up, recall it and pack
Just say "forget that" and gift wrap you all of this crap
The first quarter of my life and it’s already so old
A terrible road trip and they won’t let me go home

I'm like a blunt force trauma bruise I used to be blue
But then I changed over time as pollution ensued
Now I'm just callous and bitter in this excuse for a mood
Droopy and glued, I just want to cut loose and seclude

(Who knew?)
That someday I'd be so afraid to entrust
(Who knew?)
That someday I'd be such a slave to my lust
(Who knew?)
That everything I once held so dear
Would melt so clear then dry into a clay and encrust

Who figured I would stare from behind a prisoner’s door
Right at a warden, poor in spite of my wisdom and lore
And when the time comes I find something I should resign from and
(I don’t want do that any more) I ignore and scream...

[Chorus]

[Bridge: (Preaching by Craig Hill from sermon “Identifying Shame”)]
“Then you know what happens? What you do on the inside is you begin to- You begin to fight against that thing… …What happens as soon as you do that? What happens is the shame working on the inside rises up again at an opportune time and it begins to torment the soul and create that yucky feeling. Hebrews talks about pushes the soul out of peace is what it does, and when the soul is out of peace you begin seeking to do something to move that soul back into peace. And see the flesh comes with a plan, ‘here’s what you need to do just do this…’ And it’s that thing that you just vowed not to do…”

[Verse 3]
Digging myself every empty grave I see to be dug
(I don't want to do that any more)
Watching myself run from every opportunity for me to be loved
(I don't want to do that any more)
Always harboring a bitter anger for my father and his wounds I hide
(I don't want to do that any more)
Being reluctant to concede when I need to in plumes of pride
(I don't want to do that any more)
Telling my body yes
(I don't want to do that any more)
Waking up feeling depressed
(I don't want to do that any more)
Poorly managing money
(I don't want to do that-)
Trying to change others
(I don't want to do that-)
Thinking my life's a mess
(I don't want to do that any more)

Treating the ones closest to me worse than strangers
(I don’t want do that any more)
Always feeling like having bursts of anger
(I don’t want do that any more)
Sitting and feeling hopeless
(I don’t want do that any more)
Being unable to focus
(I don’t want do that any more)
Shaping my life to impress
(I don’t want do that any more)
Oh yes, hey I'm screaming out…

[Chorus]