On Christmas I Got Nothing

My family never roasted chestnuts - on an open fire
Never went around the neighborhood - singing carols with a choir
Never went to Midnight Mass & sat on cold hard pews
My family - we had different views

I never had to be good - just for goodness sake
On Christmas Eve I didn’t try to keep myself awake
Listening for sleigh bells - or looking for a mouse
Santa always skipped over our house

Jimmy got a train set with a shiny new caboose
Billy, an erector set, with nuts & bolts & screws
Tammy got a kit for making cheese fondues
But on Christmas I got nothing - ‘cause we were Jews

We never put up trimmings ‘cause we never had a tree
I wouldn’t know a mistletoe from a torpedo’s knee
I never sat on Santa’s lap - but hey, if Jesus was a Jew...
Wouldn’t that make Santa be one too?

I used to hate when it was cold enough for Christmas to be white
Never hung a wreath of holly - or strung the yard with lights
Those other houses looked so pretty - but the electricity they must’ve used!
We lit candles - ‘cause we were Jews

Annie got a bright red pair of kangaroo shoes
Kathy got some soaps & an assortment of shampoos
Even Buffy’s dingo got some brand new rawhide chews
But on Christmas I got nothing - ‘cause we were Jews

Sometimes we ate chicken - and sometimes we ate lamb
Sometimes we ate turkey - but we never had a ham
I never did like eggnog - or those wine & cider brews
We drank Mogen David - ‘cause we were Jews

Jenny got a bike she had to wait ‘till Spring to use
Tommy from across the street - he got his front tooth
Joshua got a horn so he could learn to play the blues
But I already had some...