Oh, Mr. Darcy

When I was first learning of love as a teenager
One source gave me all my ideas and theories
Jane Austen's masterpiece work, Pride and Prejudice
Or actually, the 1995 BBC mini-series

Oh that Mr. Darcy, so gruff and so distant
With a sensitive spirit just waiting to shine
There's a good reason that women love jerks
It seems like a fantastic idea at the time

Oh, oh, oh, Mr. Darcy
Oh, oh, oh, Colin Firth
You're tall, dark, and handsome
You're charming and wonderful
No other men are worth half what you're worth

When I was 19 I traveled to Europe
To study and learn and go clubbing and drink
There was a cute boy in my history lessons
Who hailed from near London and mostly ignored me

So, of course, I fell for him and his charming voice
His detachment and rudeness got me in a snap
He finally noticed me at the end of semester
Took me on one date and treated me like crap

Oh, oh, oh, Mr. Darcy
Oh, oh, oh, Colin Firth
You wily old bastard, you wonderful specimen
You've messed up the hearts of young girls 'round the earth

If you meet a gentleman hailing from England
Don't be so impressed; hold on to your heart
Just because a guy has a British accent
Does not mean he's witty or decent or smart

If a boy treats you with tasteful indifference
If he is handsome, but bristly and cold
Don't be intrigued just because he's ignoring you
Not every asshole has a heart of gold

Oh, oh, oh, Mr. Darcy
Oh, oh, oh, Colin Firth
You wily old bastard, you wonderful specimen
You've messed up the hearts of young girls 'round the earth

Oh, oh, oh, Mr. Darcy
Oh, oh, oh, Colin Firth
You're tall, dark, and handsome
You're charming and wonderful
No other men are worth half what you're worth