Off the Record

(Verse)
It's really a wonderful job
For fellows like George, Abe, and me, too
It's great to shake hands with the mob
And to hold every kid on your knee, too
Ev'ry word that I speak goes in the headlines;
When I speak, all the papers hold their deadlines
But I've found a way of dropping a hint
Or a glint
Of the truth that the boys cannot print
For instance
For instance

(Chorus 1)
When I was courting Eleanor, I told her uncle Teddy
I wouldn't run for president unless the job was steady
Don't print it - It's strictly off the record
We entertained the royalty, but we were never flustered
We gave them Yankee hot dogs with Colman's English mustard
Don't print it - It's strictly off the record
It's pleasant at the White House, but I'll tell you how I feel:
The food is something terrible - just sauerkraut and veal
If Mrs. R would stay at home, I'd get a decent meal
But that's off the record

(dance break)

(Chorus 2)
When I go up to Hyde Park, it's not just for the ride there
It's not that I like Hyde Park, but I love to park and hide there
Don't print it - It's off the record
I sit up in my study writing gags for Mr. Ickes
And insults for the gentlemen who'd like to slip him mickeys
Don't print it - It's off the record

(dance break)

(Chorus 3)
I scrapped the Prohibition Act when we required a bracer
And finished up the Boulder Dam to give the boys a chaser
Don't print it - It's strictly off the record
And for my friends in Washington who complain about the taxes
Who cares as long as we cannot be axed out of the Axis?
Don't print it - It's strictly off the record
I can't forget how Lafayette helped give us our first chance
To win our fight for liberty, and now they've taken France
We'll take it back from Hitler and put ants in his Japants
And that is for the record