Nothing

[Spoken Word Track]

I've died once before
And I'm pretty sure I'm dying again
Using people as a crutch because god and heaven I can't depend
I hate my tortured soul because myself I can't defend
So playing victim is easier than taking a gun to bring another's end
Looking for that finish because I want to end this
I want to taste a sliver of happy before I miss my exit
I was always afraid to speak to god late at night
Somehow his fallen angels found me first, and they always showed me what was right
*Laughs to himself*
Psych
What's a tortured soul to a molested child?
Been stolen from since you first learned to walk a mile
Saw herself a more then what was her oppresses lies
Seeking truth in the dealing gods and bastards smile
What is depression?
Longing for a joy you'll never touch and if you reach your finger tips burn before you get close enough
And what's love to a degraded boy covered in lust swimming his own way in the users and bitches that just wanna fuck
Bombs outside the home, even closer still
How you gunna hold your best friend, cover your head and steal at the same time?

I'm trying to find myself amidst my brothers metal heart
And my potential girlfriend's ex rapes stick was in marks
This world isn't beautiful people just know how to hide
Feeling oppression when you seek god even though he promised you're fine
I guess I'm a hypocrite saying I'm never understood
But I detest hood rat bitches and gurkst from the hood
Then again being with no family I could understand why we're no good
When you can't call your mother 'mom' even in the times that you should
Then when she's dying and dead mom's the first word that cuts your tongue
And I wish I had a job but I'd be ready to die before I get one
What's moving on to a sturdy building reinforced
I wish my step mother forgave me for not going with her against my father in court
I only refuse cause I wanted my father to love me but of course
He has more kids and other families, and new wife
Fucking whore
*Laughs*
What makes that okay?
I'm fucking twenty years old and sick of being called gay
It isn't easy to live with your childhood best friends bad traits
I'm calling myself that because that's all I feel
Even being attracted to women that moment haunts me still
So fuck everyone that'a never love me
Since I probably will love you better than before god sealed my mothers deal
Fucking hate everyone, fucking hate everyone
I'm a piece of shit and I admit it
And I contempt in drowning in the sickness
I been born into and I'm going to forever live in it
A collabine kid alienated and forgiven
I'm sick of closeness
I'm tired of being alone in my room full of bastards just like me
Fuck this and fuck you fuck me too
See this isn't a fucking drug head jug head fallacy
This is a fucked up sick kids dream house fantasy
Sex is overrated, family is overrated, life is overrated, I need to be liberated
If there was a sick enough god who knew this shit would happen
But would still create the world it would happen in
He should've had the balls to die just like we do
Just for the life he made and for the sake of us, the angels and satan
That killed that motherfucker, the moment he was misplaced in
Lost and confused
Dangled, choked, beaten and bruised
I've gone through just as much as anyone of you